Patience: Asma vs Me

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

I have been really sick lately - don't know why or what it is. Insha'Allah it is an expiation for all my sins.

Anyway, most of the time I would spend in bed resting because I am completely drained. I have nothing in me. Whenever I am downstairs, I would use the bed that Asma used when she was ill. It was the same bed that she was on when she passed away.

As I was there on her bed, staring at the ceiling, I started to think about Asma.

"How did she do it?"

"What got her through it?"

All these 'What' and 'How' questions started to go through my mind. Here I am in bed for a short period of time (like days) and I am already complaining. I am already wondering why am I in this pain and how long will it last for - and it only has been days!

Compare that to Asma who has been bed-ridden for almost three years straight! Not once did she complain. Not once did she ever become disgruntled or frustrated with us.

It had gotten to the point where the skin on her back started to peel because she had developed bed sores all over. Despite all that she never displayed any form of frustration or ill feelings towards anything or anyone.

My back has been starting to hurt constantly and feels very sore. How is it that she was bed-ridden for three years and didn't feel it? Or did she? I don't think anyone knows she never complained.

I'm constantly learning from her even three years after she had passed away. One of the things that I have learnt is patience. I have been in the same room as her where she would scream at the top of her lungs (I'm going to write about this soon in the future Insha'Allah) waking up the whole hospital floor. She has taken so much pain. She has been patient and not once did she ever lose hope or complain. If anything, she always asked Allah to forgive her for any wrongdoing she has done. :'( That always makes me cry.

So if a little girl like her can do that, why not me? How is it that she went through so many trials/pain and remained patient until the very end, but here I am sick and in pain for a short amount of time, already frustrated and wondering why am I like this.

May Allah elevate her status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah take our souls as Believers. Ameen
May Allah make our sicknesses as a means of expiation of our sins. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents immensely. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.