Couldn't Take It Anymore

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

As some of you may know, we had taken Asma to another state for her cancer treatment. We took her after all the doctors had given up on her and said we are free to do whatever we wish. Of course, just because they have given up didn't mean we should do too.

Anyway, one of the states we took her to was Georgia. In Georgia, we were in a subarb of the city of Atlanta called Stockbridge. It was a big change going from a place like Chicago to a town called Stockbridge. Georgia as a whole was much different than what I am used to. It is more quiet and peaceful. It is less busy than Chicago.

Of course, that also means the Muslim community is also smaller. Although Atlanta has a large number of Muslims, it isn't like Chicago. Moreover, the number of Muslim grocery and shopping stores in Georgia isn't anywhere near the number Chicago has to offer. Also, the Muslim stores and restaurants in Georgia are scattered in different areas. Some were quite a distance away. However, in Chicago, Muslim stores and restaurants are pretty much altogether. For example, the Indian/Pakistani stores and restaurants are all located on one street - Devon Avenue. It is heavily populated and well traveled.

Anyhow, I was having lunch with my parents yesterday. Actually, my father and I were eating, but my mother was sitting on the recliner talking to us as we ate. Somehow my father brought up a restaurant in Atlanta and said we may have gone there during our time there. I then brought up how Muslim stores and restaurants are scattered all over the place. Then the memories came back...

My father started to say how tough that part of our life was. My mother agreed and said it was a scary moment. The days would go by very slow and each day was full of uncertainty. I honestly cannot put in words the feeling we had during those days. If I haven't already, I will post about my experience in Georgia Insha'Allah.

So as we were speaking, I mentioned how I feel bad that sometimes I would be 'aggressive' or speak to Asma with a stern voice if she would not take her medicine or get her treatment. Subhana'Allah it is very heartbreaking. The only reason why I did that was because I wanted Asma to take her medicine and get her treatments.

My father and mother said the same thing and how they get upset with themselves sometimes for doing that. They wish they never did that.

Then I couldn't take it anymore. See, I try my best not to cry in front of my parents (or anyone else), but this time I just couldn't take it. As I was eating, I broke into tears. My heart was aching. I thought I was strong enough to hold my tears back while I was with my parents, but I felt my body weaken and break into tears. I couldn't help but to cry.

My parents were crying too. It was such a sad moment. Its been a little over three years, but feels like yesterday. The wound is still fresh.

I dont think a day has gone by where I failed to think about her. She may not be here physically, but is and will always be in my heart. She is a part of me and I always think of her - even if it brings tears most of the time.

May Allah elevate her status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah bless my parents and reward them for what they have gone through and going through right now. Ameen
May Allah keep us all on the straight path and take our Souls as Believers. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.