This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Monday, January 30, 2006

O Princess

I got an email yesterday from a reader of this blog, Maryam Khan, telling me how touching it was for her to read it and how she had tears after reading it.

She said that she felt inspired and as a result wrote a poem about Asma. I liked the poem very much and decided I'd share it with you all, Insha'Allah.

May Allah reward her and keep her on the straight path. Ameen

Here is the poem:

O Princess

The thought of your sweet smile
Made my heart soft

Your patience, your braveness
you kept it till your last breath

O Asma, You are the juwel
The juwel of your beloved father
Your mother, sisters and brothers
Especially your beloved brother, Omar
You are the comfort of his eyes

Your remembrance of Allah
Your trust in Allah
You didn't rely upon others than al-Shafi ta'ala

You called upon your brother,
whenever you needed anything

You used to play with each other
You laughed together
You shared everything with each other
You used to have a beautiful fragrance
No body can smell it anymore
But in the heart of your brother

Now you are gone
Your brother can't see you again
O Asma please do come in his dreams
Let him see the sight of you
Let your brother be sure
about your present condition
Let him know if you need anything

I don't know how you look like, O beautiful sister
But I am sure, your face is filled with Noor
Your heart is enlighted with peace
You are save my dear
No longer will you have any pain
I do nothing but praying for you
Never will I forget you
You are truly lovely and inspiring

You bring joy and tears
At my face
You are a beutiful rose
A rose that never wither
You will always
have a room in my heart, O Princess

May Allah be pleased with your, and enlight your grave with Noor and let you be in the company of the Beloved of Allah and his companions, and let you be among those who stand by the beloved of Allah, and your parent's and siblings and your brother, on the day of Judgement. And may the Merciful, let you be in the company of your family in Jannah. Ameen

- By Maryam Khan

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Blessing In Disguise

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

I got back probably an hour ago from from my sister's grave. I went there shortly after Fajr.

On the way there I was thinking how its a blessing that she passed away. I know this may sound a bit odd, but its true. My parents say the same thing whenever we talk about her.

She had her leg amputated all the way up to the hip. She was confined to the wheelchair/bed most of the time. She had other problems that were created by chemotherapy. She was dependent on others. She was a very shy person. Her personality was such that even if anyone physically harmed her, she would remain quiet and not say a word. She would just have sabr and move on.

Sometimes she would tell me later and I would kind of upset because I wanted the beat the crap out of anyone who would try to hurt her.

Anyways, what Im trying to say is that this world wasnt for her. She would have had a very hard time surviving. People are so damn cruel. They are heartless.

There was a time (quite of few months before she passed away) when we took Asma to this Muslim gathering. We took her for food, clothes, and to meet people. Subhana'Allah she was quite popular. lol People I didnt even know were coming up to her and saying, "ASMA!! Kasi hoi?!?!" ("ASMA!! How are you?!?!") I would just stand there trying to figure what had just happened. I will be thinking why dont they say that to me. lol

I would ask Asma how come everyone knows her. She would say, "I guess Im just popular." lol She would say that to tease me. Funny stuff.

Well people knew her because she was on the radio a few times (Muslim one here in Chicago) and she basically told them whats going on with her and also recited some Surahs. She won many hearts. She just called in to see what would happen. She didnt even expect anything).

Anyways, at the gathering, this lady that my parents have known for many years saw my mom and Asma and walked towards them. Asma was in a wheelchair talking and eating. Out of nowhere, this lady that my parents know starts to look Asma up and down in her wheelchair. Asma was feeling uncomfortable obviously. My mom asked her what she was doing.

Get ready for this lady's retarded response. She told my mom she was looking for Asma's leg and wanted to see how she looks without her leg. What a bitch. Leave the little girl alone.

My mom became furious and told her off and to never ever do that again. She told her never to talk about her daughter like that again. Im surprised she didnt knock her out.

Later on when Asma and I were joking around, she told me what had happened. I asked her how she felt when my mom told her off.

Asma said, "I was so happy mom got mad at her and yelled at her. I was so proud of her. I was so mad at the lady. I wanted to punch her so bad."

When Asma said that, I wanted to cry. I felt so bad. Asma wasnt the type of girl who would want to hurt anyone or even get revenge. She never wanted to. However, her wanting to punch the lady shows how hurt Asma was. Man, imagine some one doing that to you. I personally would tell the person to go to hell or something and push them away if I was in Asma's place.

But Asma being a shy, patient girl, she kept it in. Alhamdulillah my mom was there. May Allah reward her and Asma. Ameen

So this is what I mean that the world is cruel and harsh. Its a blessing she passed away. Obviously it was better for her. However, for us, its been very painful. The emotional and physical attachment that we had was very close and tight. Its very tough and hard to live without her.

People tell us all the time to forget about her and move on. Do they really listen to themselves when they say that to us? Subhana'Allah.

Everyday I think of her. Everyday I miss her. Everyday I want to see her again. Everyday I make dua'a that I along with my whole family am reunited with Asma again.

May Allah reward my parents and Asma. Ameen
May Allah forgive Asma and grant her Janatul Firdaus. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma again. Ameen
May Allah guide the people who are selfish and heartless. Ameen
May Allah protect us from evil and harm. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Filthy Rumors

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

I want to clear something up that has been going on for a while. At first I tried to ignore it, but it keeps happening over and over.

I was warned of something like this by some one when I first created this blog, but I figured no one would actually stoop to such a low level and create such filthy fitnah.

Apparently there is a rumor going around that I am using this blog to get girls. Yes, you read it right. For whatever reason, some sick-minded person/people have been saying that this blog is basically a way for me to get girls or to trap women.

How sick can you get? That is such a filthy, disgusting, rotten thing to say. Shame on you whoever you are. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror after saying such things?

Wallahi it makes me sick to my stomach to hear such things like this. Subhana'Allah.

Some people need to get a life. Wallahi how pathetic of you to actually to do this.

Im just going to let Allah Subhana'Watalaa sort this out, Insha'Allah for He is Most Just.

La Hawla Wa La Quatta Illa Billa

May Allah guide us all and protect us from evil. Ameen
May Allah guard our tongues and clear our hearts of fitnah. Ameen
May Allah give the evil doers what they deserve. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Janazah in Makkah

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

There were Janazahs almost after every prayer in both Makkah and Medina.

There was one in particular that I still remember.

It was a few minutes before Fajr prayer and I was sitting down on out on the street. There wasnt any room inside. It was packed.

Anyways, I noticed to my right, a group of about 3-4 guys were walking in my direction. They were carrying a deceased body wrapped in a Kafn (shroud). The shroud looked like the Ihram that I wore when I did Umrah.

The shroud had wrapped the whole body and the ends were tied with a rope. The guy in the front was making way to go inside the Haram. It was literally packed.

Anyways, as they were walking by, it reminded me of Asma and when she passed away. At the time, I didnt try to think too much of it and tried to shrug it off.

However, after the Fajr Salah, I went back to the hotel to eat breakfast. I was sitting at the table with my family. We were all eating breakfast. I mentioned the incident to my father. A few minutes later, I started to cry. At first I tried to hold it in, but couldnt any longer. I just started to cry silently with my face covered.

It was the way the guys were carrying the deceased that reminded me of Asma when she passed away. The look on the guys face reminded me of myself. They werent crying. They seemed very nervous. They didnt appear to be themselves.

Thats how I was when Asma passed away. For a bit, I was numb. I seemed like I was in a rush just like those guys I saw at the Haram. It was as if I didnt have time to cry because I needed to get everything ready, cleaned up, and arranged.

Same thing appeared with the guys at the Haram. They seemed preoccupied and didnt look like they had time to cry or show emotions.

This may not be making much sense to anyone, but I felt like I could relate to them. It remind me of Asma so much and when she passed away. Things appeared to be hectic.

The whole trip reminded me of Asma especially because Asma really wanted to do Umrah. However, when I saw the deceased being carried, it really hit me because I actually saw something which resembled the time when Asma passed away.

May Allah give us Sabr. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.