Will I Ever?

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Earlier today I was speaking to someone about Asma and realized that throughout my blog, I never really posted about the detailed events that were filled with pain, tears and uncertainty. Usually they are about incidents involving Asma that were funny, insightful or simply posts about how I miss her.

I don't think I've ever posted about the times where she would get her wounds taken care of, when she would randomly start bleeding or when she would cry at the top of her lungs out of pain.

I wondered why that was and I guess it is because I don't think I'm quite ready to speak about that - even after over three years. Just the thought of it makes me nervous and my heart starts to beat quite rapidly. It is a quite horrible feeling to have. You don't know what to do exactly. At times it feels like my heart and the rest of my innerself will explode.

Maybe one day I will post about them. It will be when I think I'm ready and able to speak about it without feeling horrible inside. Don't know how soon it will be.

Perhaps I will never speak about them. Allahu Alim.

I don't know...

May Allah elevate Asma's status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents and the rest of family shiffa and complete sabr. Ameen
May Allah make us better Muslims and take our souls in the state of Islam. Ameen
May Allah give me the strenght and courage to hold up well when speaking about such emotional times. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.