This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Two Years Today

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Ever since this month of February started, I have not been able to stop thinking about Asma and the day she passed away. Before, when everytime February would come, I would be reminded of how I am one year older as my birthday is on February 7th. However, now Im reminded of the last days of Asma's life.

I still remember what she was doing on February 7th. I still remember how she was struggling to breathe and constantly coughing. I clearly remember what I was doing the night before she passed away. I also remember what was happening on the morning of February 11th, shortly before she passed away.

To read in detail about the day she passed away, read this entry which I composed soon after she passed away: Friday, February 11th 2005: day Asma passed away.

Lately, shes been on my mind more than usual. I guess its because the more trials I go through, it reminds me of Asma since she was always there to talk to me and help me get through it. When everyone spread rumors and believed lies, Asma trusted me and knew I was free from the accusations.

Its been two years today and everything is exactly the same as it was the day she passed away. Her clothes are still hanging in her closet. Her shoe is still in the same place as it was the day she passed away. Every single thing of hers.

I dont plan on getting rid of them. My whole family doesnt want to get rid of her belongings. How can we?

People tell us that we should get rid of it and move on. They have told us over and over that we shouldnt hold on to it and need to move on and live life.

But how can we get rid of her stuff? Why? For what? Its not like we worship it or think having them around will keep her alive and bring her soul into this house. No. I sometimes sleep with her little blanket next to me. I just keep it by me when I go to sleep.

I even have her hospital bracelet and even her prescriptions stored away safely. Im keeping them too.

I hate it when people say we need to move on. What on earth are they talking about? Its not like we are mourning 24/7 and have given up everything in this world. We go to work and school. We take care of the things that need to be done at home. We arent sitting in our rooms doing crying all the time.

I can clearly see Asma in my mind. I can imagine her laughing endlessly and speaking in her soft voice. I remember her smiles and her witty comments. I remember how she looked when she would dress up. Subhana'Allah I dont think I have forgotten anything of hers. I remember every single thing, both good and bad times. I remember good times like when she would smile and have fun at parties and I remember bad times like when she was at the hospital or be at home in pain. No matter how hard I try to forget the bad times, I cant. I occasionally have flashbacks of her when she was ill.

Its one more day without her. Its been two years without her. I dont know hard its going to get as times goes on. People say you will forget her as time goes by. Thats not true. We will always miss her deeply. Always.

I dont know how may parents do it. Wallah they have so much courage and strength to deal with this. I dont know what it is like to lose a child nor do I want to know. My parents have changed after Asma passed away. Actually, they started to change since Asma became ill. It has taken a toll on my parents health.

This is hard. I wish I can hug Asma and kiss her one more time... :'(

May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah elevate her status to the highest. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents and give them the highest status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah give my family sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah keep us on the straight path and take our souls as Believers. Amen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

6 Comments:

  • At Sunday, February 11, 2007 5:46:00 PM, Anonymous amatullah51 said…

    Assalaamu'alykum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

    akhi im sure your blog has got many people thinking of Asma, even i was constantly thinking its nearly exactly 2 years since Asma passed away, crazy i know but your blog has instilled love for Asma in many of our hearts which is strengthened with the more you tell us about her.

    your reminders of death are so strong, upon reading this entry i made sure to give my niece a loving hug and kiss before she went to bed in case either her soul or my soul is taken. She was also born in february and just turned 7 which is why i was thinking of Asma a lot especially this month.

    i couldnt say i understand your pain and definately couldnt tell you to move on by giving away Asmas stuff as keeping them only shows your deep love for her and desire to retain ALL memories of her.

    may Allah 'azza wa jall ease your pain but still keep the love you have for Asma burning strongly in your hearts forever, enter Asma into jannatul firdaws and reunite you and your family with her ameen

    ma'salaama

     
  • At Sunday, February 18, 2007 7:56:00 AM, Anonymous ecowarrior said…

    assalaamu alaikum brother, stay strong, hey u ever thought about maybe volunteering at a hospice or like a childrens hospital to gain some reward and help out others who may be going thru experiences similar to your own? sorry if its a dumb suggestion . take care, from ecowarrior if u remember me from yrs ago

     
  • At Sunday, February 25, 2007 4:04:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    its all so beautiful. do not let people's comments discourage you from keeping on in your own way brother, although it seems you do a fine job of that anyway. in bridgeview we just lost a little brother too. twelve years old, just like your Asma. the pain doesnt ever really go away. I pray that Allah SWT rewards you and your family for all that you've endured. InshAllah your Asma and our AbedAllah are under that tree in Jannah, with Ibrahim (AS). Dying young and innocent is such an amazing gift, it took me so long to see that, brother. TMay Allah reward you always.

     
  • At Sunday, February 25, 2007 4:13:00 PM, Blogger AllAboutAsma said…

    Jazak'Allahu khairan for the kind words.

    Eco,

    Of course I remember. How are things going for you? Email me and let me know, Insha'Allah.

    Anonymous,

    Jazak'Allahu Khairan for the kind words. Subhana'Allah while Im sad to hear about little Abedullah, Im happy to think that he is with Ibrahim and Sarah (AS).

    How are your parents taking it? How are you taking it?

    When did he pass away? I was at Mosque Foundation for this past Jummah. There was Salatul Janazah after Jummah prayer. I dont know whose it was though.

    Wallah if you need anything or would like to get your parents to talk to my parents, let me know Insha'Allah. Bridgeview isnt too far out from me.

    May Allah raise Asma and Abedullah's status in Jannah to the highest. Ameen

    May Allah our parents and our families sabr and shiffa. Ameen

    Salaamualaikum,

    Omar

     
  • At Sunday, February 25, 2007 6:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As Salamu Alaykum,
    Oh i'm sorry for not being more clear brother. He was actually my brother in the sense that we belong to the same community, and I've known him for years. But not blood relatives. I'm sorry for misleading you, i should have been more clear. SubhanAllah, his parents are still in great shock. May Allah be with them in this hard time, I can't even imagine. What i'm feeling isn't comparable to what you have, I realize, because its always so much harder with family. But your story still brought me comfort in mourning, and I wanted to thank you for that.

    His Janaza was thursday.. friday's was for a mother... She died of Leukemia, only 30 years old subhanAllah. She left behind a six year old daughter. May Allah help them all. Allah Yirhamhum. Thank you again brother.

    Salam

     
  • At Monday, February 26, 2007 12:34:00 AM, Blogger AllAboutAsma said…

    Walaikumassalaam Warahmutallah,

    Oh dont worry about it.

    I can only imagine what the parents are going through. If you think they would like to, they can talk to my parents for comfort and support, Insha'Allah.

    Im glad I helped you deal with the loss of Abedullah. Thats what the brotherhood is for. If not us, then who will help us out?

    Subhana'Allah, 30 years of age is so young. Its so sad to hear stories such as this. Wallah its so sad.

    May Allah forgive her sins and save her from the fitnah of the grave. Ameen

    May Allah protect her daughter and raise her a pious Muslimah. Ameen

    Its always disheartening to hear of Muslim brothers and sisters go through such tribulations and lose the battle against cancer or any other illness.

    But in the end, all you can do is say its the Qadr of Allah and accept it and make dua'a and use it as a reminder to us that our time is near. Are we ready for it?

    If you need to talk, let me know, Insha'Allah.

    Salaamualaikum,

    - Omar

     

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