Eid...Bittersweet Moment

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Its about 4:10 in the morning. I just got done cleaing the whole house in preparation of the guests that are coming over later on today after Eid prayer. I didnt even sleep.

As I started cleaning earlier today, I kept coming across Asma's belongings. I cleaned out her medicine cabinet. It was full of medication. Actually, its the first time we actually cleaned the cabinet after Asma passed away.

I took all medication from the cabinet and put it in a big box and put it away downstairs in the basement. I dont think Im ever going to throw it away. Call me nuts, but I want to keep every single thing of hers. I even have her breathing tube that she used up until she passed away. I know people will tell me to get rid of it and move on, but thats not going to happen.

I came across notes and letters and get well cards that were written for Asma. I came across presents that were given to Asma. I also came across things that Asma made. Most of the time, I try not to let it get to me. I just try to be strong and just keep the tears back.

But right now I dont think I can. Its hard. Its hard because Asma was so close to me. She was a special part of my life. She had a huge impact upon me. She had a place in my heart that NOTHING can ever replace. Wallahi, she was more than my best friend.

It was soon night time. It was around 10:00-11:00 PM when I found that its Eid. Subhana'Allah it was kind of sad because I miss Ramadan. I wish I had done more Ibaadah. I wish I did more. I wish I stayed up more during the nights.

But it was also sad because I thought about how happy Asma used to get when she would find out its Eid. Subhan'Allah she loved Eid. She loved celebrations.

She loved getting dressed and having people over. She loved getting mehendhi (henna) on her hands. She would get mehendhi with my other sister, Aysha. Asma and Aysha were inseparable. They couldnt be without each other. There were times when the whole day would go on and we wouldnt even see them until it was night time because they were so busy playing and talking together.

On Eid, Asma would be the first one up and and the first one to get dressed and ready. She would wear beautiful dresses with churyia (bangles? bracelets? I dont know what what you would call them. Someone help me out here).

Asma would usually have have pony tails with a little glitter on her eyes. She was truly a Princess. Subhan'Allah Im smiling as Im thinking of her and how she used to be so happy.

After Asma would get ready, she would get impatient as she would wait for everyone else to get ready. lol Sometimes we would take long to get ready and she would constantly be on our case until we were ready. She hated being late. lol

She loved showing off to my dad. Whenever my dad would wake up or come downstairs, Asma would always ask him, "How do I look?"

Occasionally she would have nail polish on.

Whenever she would wait for us to get ready, she would start to get bored. lol Asma would then start dancing in her new clothes and shoes.

It feels so wierd getting ready for Eid prayer without having Asma around.

Whenever people would give Asma money, she would count it at the end of the day. lol Asma wasnt the type that wasted money or useless things. She actually saved money for the future. She even had her own bank account.

In fact, Asma told my parents that when she dies, she wants my parents to take the money and spend it on my older brother's wedding. :'( That makes me want to cry.

There are so many things I can talk about...so many memories I can talk about. Im going have to save some for later, Insha'Allah ta'ala.

For now, I have to go and get ready for Eid prayer in a while. Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as, Insha'Allah. Jazak'Allahu khairan.

Heres another entry about Eid from before:

Eid

May Allah elevate Asma's status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah give my family shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah prepare us for the hereafter so we can be with Asma and saved from the Hellfire. Ameen
May Allah guide us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah give shiffa and sabr to the less fortunate ones. Ameen
May Allah accept our Ibaadah during the month of Ramadan and allow us to see another Ramadan next year. Ameen
May Allah make us better Muslims and unite us together. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.