This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Monday, February 28, 2005

Day of Friday, February 11, 2005: Departure of Asma

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

It was the morning of Friday, February 11, 2005 when Allah Subhanahwatala had taken Asma back.

I came home after dropping my 16-year old sister, Aysha, off to school around 8:00 AM. I was about to go jump in the shower and get ready to go to school as my father and mother were sitting by Asma giving her nebulizer treatments to help her breathe. She also had an oxygen tube at the tip of her lips to help her breathe.

I came home and sat on the couch near Asma's bed where she was 24/7.

I asked my dad, "How is Asma doing?"

He just shook his head and shoulders implying that she wasnt doing well. It was becoming a part of the routine where she would get these treatments twice daily. She would cough for six hours straight many times.

Once my father told me that she wasnt doing well, I looked over at her and noticed she was taking shallow breaths and struggling to breathe. Thats when I figured that something was up and I immediately started to feel nervous and scared. I decided to stay home with Asma and my parents.

She hadnt slept for the last three nights. She spent her days coughing with no end in sight.

She was recieving fluids through IV to keep her hydrated. In fact, she had a new line put in two days prior, on Wednesday. We were all surprised on how well she did during the surgery. The doctors werent very confident and told us that she may not be able to survive the surgery.

Anyhow, my father turns to my mother and I and says, "Shes on her last breaths."

Even though I didnt say anything, I was torn and worried inside. Allah only knows what my parents were going through. I cant even imagine.

It was around 10:00 AM when she ordered my parents and I to get out of the family room (where she used to sleep). We thought she wanted to sleep because she was exhausted and was being disturbed from the noises we were making. So we all walked over to the living room.

Of course, we couldnt leave her alone, we tried to take peeks at her and checked what she was doing. After several seconds, she calls my dad into the family room.

She began to turn her head and look around the room as if something was present. She never moved her head that way partly because she was very, very weak and partly because of her condition. She was laying straight on her back as she always did because of her condition. Without getting up, she made this circular motion by turning her head over and over without saying anything. She would look to her right, left, up, and down. She would try to look at the whole room. She would then look out the window and at the top of the T.V. stand.

My father noticed that there was a Quran sitting at the top of the T.V. stand with the picture of the Kaba on it. He thought that she was being distracted by it and started to move it away. Asma quickly shook her head and finger implying to leave it there. She would then turn her eyes at the window and then at the Quran and did this repeatedly.

After a few seconds, she said, "Daddy aap ka naam kia hai?" ("Daddy, what is your name?")

My dad at first thought she had a stroke or was going into a coma because she was losing her mind.

My dad says, "Mein aap ka daddy ho." (I'm your daddy.")

Asma says, "Nahin, aap ka naam kia hai?" (No, what is your name?")

My dad getting consfused, says, "Mein Asma ka daddy ho." (I'm Asma's daddy.")

Asma getting irritated, said, "Nahin, aap naam kia hai?" (No, what is your name?") as she raised her voice a little out of frustration.

Then finally, my dad replies by saying, "Mein thumara daddy ho, Zia...Zia ul Haq." (I'm your daddy, Zia...Zia ul Haq.")

After he answers her, Asma turns to my mom was standing next to my dad and Asma.

Asma asks the same thing. She said, "Ummi, aap ka naam kia hai?" ("Mom, what is your name?")

My mom says, "Mein aap ki ummi ho." ("I'm your mommy.")

Asma then says, "Nahin, aap ka naam kia hai?" ("No, what is your name?")

My mom then said, "Mein Asma ki ummi ho." ("I'm Asma's mommy.")

At this point, Asma was getting frustrated and asks again, "Nahin, aap ka naam kia hai?" ("No, what is your name?")

Finally, my mom says the same thing as my father, "Mera naam Shaheen hai." ("My name is Shaheen.")

Asma then turns her head back to the normal position. When Asma was asking my parents their name the whole time, she had her hand up towards each of them when they were being asked. Her hand was shaking because of the lack of control and due to her weakness.

She then gives her hand to my father so he can hold it. My dad then holds it and massages it and kisses it. He asked her if she had said the Shahada/Kalimah. Asma nodded her head.

He asked Asma if she can forgive him for anything and everything that he did wrong. Asma said he didnt do anything wrong and she forgives him.

Asma, with her big, beautiful, sparkling eyes looks at my dad as if she wanted something. My dad automatically knew she wanted him to hold her and hug her.

My dad then held her in his arms and hugged her. Asma took her last breaths while he held her as her soul was being taken out.

My mom was standing to my dad's left and I was standing to my mom's left.

My dad moved his back so that my mom couldn't see and nodded his head to me implying that she was gone.

I had this sense of shock inside of me. I was confused.

My dad tells my mom to removed the IV. My mom thought that my dad wanted the IV to be removed because it was done.

My mom said, "Ok, give me needles and the other stuff so I can flush her line out."

My father and I exchanged stares and felt sad and didnt know how to break it to my mom.

My dad told my mom that she wouldnt need to flush it (because Asma had passed away). However, my mom didnt understand what he meant by it.

As my mom was removing the IV, my father and I started to remove all the medicine and the medicine table away from the area. He then called the doctor to inform them of what had happened and what the next step should be.

As he was removing all the medicine, it started to sink a little that she was indeed, gone.

I felt as if I was frozen inside...as if I didnt have any concept of feelings. I was numb.

We told my mom that Asma was gone. She didnt seem to want to believe it.

My dad told me to cover Asma with the blanket that she used to use. I did. I moved the blanket up from her toe to her head.

My mom yells out, "Nahin, nahin, utaro isko! Wo abhi saas lay ri hai." ("No, no, take that off! She is breathing right now.")

Again, my father and I exchange stares filled with sadness and the feeling of helplessness.

I hugged and kissed Asma. I held her in my arms. I still was numb.

As I was looking at her beautiful face and kissing her, I realized two things about her:

1. She had a smile on her face. It was clearly a smile.

2. She had this very nice, newborn-like scent coming from her as soon as she passed away. There was no doubt about it.

We made sure her arms and leg were all straight because usually the deceased person becomes very stiff shortly after.

At around 11:05 AM, the paramedics and the Woodridge Police Department had arrived. There were about 15 Police cars if not more, an Ambulance, and a fire truck. All were lines up all along the streets. We live at an intersection inside the subdivision so there were cars at both streets. Literally, no place for more cars.

Even though my father and I full well knew she had passed away and wasnt coming back, the paramedics by law had to recessitate her. They asked for a "DNR" form which stops them from recessitating her. We didnt have it.

Well after about 15-20 minutes, they stopped and she wouldnt come back.

At this point, my younger bro, Zeshaan, came home with Aysha. I had called Aysha's school shorty after Asma passed away and told them what had happened and to allow my bro pick her up.

When Aysha came home, she ran inside the house screaming and crying and ran towards the family room. The police wouldnt let anyone come near Asma until the investigation was done. She just cried with my parents.

We called the Islamic Center of Naperville (masjid) nearby to make arrangements for Asma's funeral/Janazah. They contacted the Brust Funeral Home to make arrangements. Once we talked to the funeral home as well, they came to our house to pick up Asma.

As they were going to take her, my mom told the to wait so she can clean up Asma.

"Whenever I used to send her out of the house, I always used to do her hair and clean her up and make her look nice. Well, I want to do her hair and clean her up and make her look nice before I send her out of my house for the very last time," said my mom while crying.

So my father, mother, and I cleaned her up. We took the catheter and bandages out. My mom cleaned and washed her up and did her hair. After we did all that, the funeral guys brought the stretcher over by her bed.

I didnt want anyone to pick her up because no couldve done it safely. The funeral guys would be rough and wont know how to do handle her.

As I was picking up Asma, I heard the fluids in her lungs move. We think that may be the main cause of her death.

I proceeded to lift Asma. Since she was lifeless, she had no control whatsoever over her body. It was loose. My dad held her foot and my mother held her head. I moved her over to the stretcher and laid her down. They covered her up and zipped up the body bag.

That was probably one of the hardest things to see ever. To see you baby sister get zipped up in a body bag, took the life out of me. I was torn inside. It was starting to set in and finally realized what was happening.

Well, they made their way out of the house towards the hearse (funeral car).

Asma left my house for the very last time. She isnt coming back. Shes gone for good. I wont get to see her again in her bed. She will never call me and tell me to do things for her. I will miss all that. Actually, I already do. :(

As they put Asma in the hearse and started to drive off, my mother started to run after the car. My dad had to go by my mom and stop her.

Subhan 'Allah, it was such a sad sight. It breaks my heart even now when I think about it.

It was about 1:05-1:10 PM and almost time for Jummah. My father, Zeshaan, and I got ready and left. My mother and Aysha were home. I was afraid for my mom because of her health. I made sure that Aysha would watch over my mom and stay with her.

Imran Baig, President of ICN, made an annoucentment informing others about Asma. They made dua for Asma and my family.

Afterwards, both random and people who knew us came and embraced us and gave their condolences.

Shortly afterwards, we went home. We didnt want to be anywhere but home. We just wanted to be with our family.

I was told to call people and inform them of what had happened. It was a hard thing to do. I didnt know how to break it to them. I didnt know how to speak. However, I managed to do so.

People were shocked. They couldnt believe it. Some started to cry on the phone. I didnt talk much. I just informed them and said I had to go. I had no interest in talking.

My brother had gotten home from work which was about an hour, hour and a half away. I had called him soon after Asma passed away. No answer. I left messages at various places and he eventually called back. My dad broke the news to him. He was schocked as well. He came straight home.

About 10-15 minutes later, people started to come over. We had nothing but feelings of emptiness to share. We exchanged glances of sadness. We were speechless. We just hugged and weeped.

More and more people were coming over. Phone calls after phone calls. People from the around the world were calling...literally.

It was becoming dark and the day was heading into the night. It was cold. The house was full. People whom we didnt even know were showing up. The streets were full of cars. There was no end in sight.

It was becoming sad and depressing. First night without Asma. :'(

Most people were there until about midnight. Some were even there till 2 AM. Eventually they all left except for my cousin, Kashif. He slept over.

I slept upstairs. Didnt want to sleep. Scared of living my life without her. Sad for missing her presence. I wanted to yell and scream and weep and break things, but I had to stay calm for my parents.

I fell asleep around 3 AM. I kept thinking about how and Asma would be doing at the moment. I kept thinking what Asma's soul be doing.

That was my very first night without Asma in my life.

The depression had begun to set in...

She was the doll of the house. She brought joy and happiness to our lives. It now almost seems like a dream that lasted for 12 years and now its over.

Words cant describe how I feel.

I miss her and love her so much...

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.

28 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, June 01, 2005 1:05:00 PM, Blogger Hijabi4Life said…

    SubhanAllah...

    May Allah swt ease your pain and grant you and your loved ones Jannah. Ameen.

    I think keeping this blog will help you to hold onto memories of Asma. I wish I had kept one when my grandma passed away :(

     
  • At Thursday, June 02, 2005 12:19:00 AM, Blogger Abu Naajiyyah said…

    Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullaahi Wa Barrakaatuhu.

    May Allaah make Asma enter Jannah into His Pleasure. Ameen.

    Barrakallaahu feek Mr GQ.

    akhook fillaah Abu Tashfeen (May_We_Achieve)

     
  • At Thursday, June 02, 2005 6:19:00 PM, Blogger JayshAllah said…

    May Allah Almighty enter baby Asma into the highest ranks in Paradise! And Allah has promised us this! All innocent children go to Paradise.

    The loss is ours, not Asma's who is in the gardens of Heaven.

    I pray that one day you will be able to attain peace of heart, mind, and soul. I cannot imagine the loss of a baby sister. Just keep reminding yourself that Allah is the best disposer of Affairs, and to Him we shall all return! Our time on this earth is limited and soon will you be reunited with your baby sister.

    Allah is Most Great.

     
  • At Thursday, June 02, 2005 7:23:00 PM, Anonymous Stranger said…

    Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah wabarakatu.

    Ameen Ameen Ameen to all the dua.

     
  • At Saturday, June 04, 2005 10:20:00 AM, Anonymous An-Najwa said…

    Umar ibn Khattab said, " I don't care in what state I wake up in, even if it is bad or good, for I don't know what is good for me, or what is bad for me"

    May Allah give her Jannatul Firdose, and give you peace.. Ameen

    "Inna illahi wa ina illahi rajeoon"

     
  • At Saturday, June 04, 2005 4:06:00 PM, Blogger bruce said…

    Assalaam-u-alaikum

    JazakAllah khairun for sharing this, br. Omar...

    May Allah [SWT] ease your pain and reunite your family in the highest gardens of Paradise. Ameen.

     
  • At Saturday, June 04, 2005 6:32:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    asalamalaikum.

    May Allah bless Asma with the everlasting scent of jannah, all the fruits it holds and May he grant you and your family sabr through this hard time inshallah.

     
  • At Sunday, June 05, 2005 7:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Inna lillahi wa ina illahi raje3oon

    Khalid al-'Absi said, "A son of mine died and I felt intense grief over his loss. I said, 'Abu Hurayra, have you heard anything from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to cheer us regarding our dead?' He replied, 'I heard the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "Your children are roaming freely in the Garden."'"

    allahuma ameen to all the du3aas.

     
  • At Sunday, June 05, 2005 5:33:00 PM, Blogger Niqabi said…

    As'salaam Wa'alaikum,

    may Allah ease your parents, siblings and your pain.
    i truly am left without words to explian what i myself am feeling and how to descripe it and explian to u that it will be alright,though i know the pain is alwasy there, but i proimse, with time it heals i promise, because i know.
    and i'll tell u one thing...if ever in life u are having trouble and u think, If Asma were to be here, it would be differnt, that thinking will not help you, alwasy be happy with whatever outcome u have in life and dont think of "if" b/c it wont' be...i was actually speaking to my mother the other day about my sisters death and asked her how she delt with my sisters loss and seh said "i accepted the fact that we are allahs and we belogn to him and we must return to him, our children are his imannat"
    it was as simple as that, i hope your mother finds suber i hope she heals, i hope she moves on.
    Stay strong brother, insh'allah by staying strong you will get your mother through this, there must be someoen who is strong.

    May u stay strong, Insh'allah
    allah the best, my brother in islam

    Wa'alaikum As'salaam.

     
  • At Saturday, July 30, 2005 1:01:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

    I pray Allah (swt) gives your sister the highest place in jannah (ameen) I pray she becomes a rehma for your family in this life and the akhira. I pray your family does justice to the rehma that was sent to you even if it was just for a short time and stays strong in the deen (ameen)

     
  • At Friday, September 16, 2005 2:27:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Asalaam o Alaikum

    may Allah gives Asma the biggest Palace in Janna (ameen) and may Allah give your family strength to hold this lost.., Brother I have lost one brother (18 years old) 9 years ago, I can feel the pain when you lose a family member and happiness of family :(

    May Allah always be with everyone!

     
  • At Friday, October 07, 2005 11:55:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You know while i was reading this whole story.. wallah it made me "revision" what it felt like when Allah took my granny (whom i lived with ALL OF MY LIFE)... the exact same thing... with how it was like b4 she died... how it was after.. the cars/police cars.. millions of police/fire/abulance ppl intruding our house .. everyone everywhere...the first night without her.. wallah exactly the same way... its been 10 months since her death.. and i still feel it was yesterday...I mean its understandable what death is.. esp in islam.. but i mean its sometimes hard as to how to "accept" it... or "believe that she is really gone".. sometimes i feel that tears cannt jus make it all feel better... i dunno why am saying all of this..above.. but i swear while reading your story.. it like struck me to deep tears wallah...it was like i was re-living everything all over again... May Allah place Asma in the highest of jannahs and make it easy for her and give her the best place in the hereafter ameen.. may Alah make it easy for u and your family. and bless you and your family with lots of bounties from this world and grant u all jannatul ferdous

    Unknown reader...

     
  • At Monday, October 31, 2005 5:05:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Salaam,

    I pray that Asma is in Janat-ul-ferdaws. May Allah also ease the pain for everyone for this shortcomming.

    "Truly, Alaah gives life and takes Death."

     
  • At Wednesday, November 09, 2005 8:45:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I dont have any words dear sister....but Prayers...for u and ur family....and lil Asma....

    May Allah bless all of us InshaAllah....Ameen...

     
  • At Monday, December 05, 2005 1:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    According to a hadeeth narrated by 'Abdullaah Ibn 'Amr (radhi Allaahu anhu), the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam) said: "There is no Muslim who dies on Friday, but Allaah will save him from the trial of the grave." [Narrated by Ahmad and Tirmidhi, and the hadeeth is either saheeh or hasan]

     
  • At Thursday, December 15, 2005 6:08:00 PM, Anonymous Ukht Fillah said…

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Inna illahi wa ina illahi raje'oon

    First of all, I would like to thank you ekhi for sharing this experience with all of us, Barak Allah feek, wa Jazak Allahu Khair fil dunya wal akhira.

    I cried reading your story, and May Allah subhana wa ta'ala place your sister in the highest ranks of Jannah ameen.

    Let this be a lesson to all of us, life is short and we need to make ever second of or times worth everything.

    Once again ekhi I thank you. May you be rewarded for this and May Allah keep the beautiful memories between you and your sister ever-living and may He give you the patient perseverence for this journey you are walking upon ameen.

    say Alhemdulilah ekhi, Allah has taken her from her pains..

    Subhanallah and Mashallah for the way she left this world...

    fi aman Allah
    w'salaam

     
  • At Monday, January 23, 2006 11:41:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "Asma left my house for the very last time. She isnt coming back. Shes gone for good. I wont get to see her again in her bed. She will never call me and tell me to do things for her. I will miss all that. Actually, I already do. :("

    WALLAH.. by reading this... it felt as if it was duplicate of my life when my granny died..this made me cry as if i lost my granny yesterday.. a year and one month has passed and i cry sometimes.. like it was yesterday...the very day when my granny left our house.. reality didnt really click in.. that she was gone for good... i knew she was gone.. but i cudnt connect it with reality

     
  • At Saturday, January 28, 2006 5:02:00 PM, Anonymous 3abdullah said…

    As salamu 3alaykum akhi,
    my deepest condolences! although i'm a brother and sure not weak i had to cry! this is so sad. but inna lillahi ua inna ilahi raji3un. Allah may grant your little sister Asmaa the highest rank in Jannah! i make so much du`a for you and your family. today i found out about your blog ( linked @ maniacmuslim linked @ khalifa klothings) and i was very impressed masha Allah ta3ala! you have a great writing skill and i will be able to read your blog very often insha Allah ta3ala. I'm a converted german/american muslim, livin in germany and your blog really gives me strenght in iman. jazakallahu khairan brother! may Allah guide us all and lead us to the right path! amin

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 9:08:00 AM, Blogger Card_Maker said…

    Salam

    I felt so much emotion inside reading this. I am so sorry for your loss. To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. May Allah make it easy for you all. You all displayed such courage and strength. She sounds like a wonderful little sister.

    Wassalam

     
  • At Thursday, June 29, 2006 7:54:00 PM, Blogger Slave of Allah said…

    bro, i just read this for the first time. i know how much you love your sister, knowing that you talk about her a lot. i don't mean to bring those sad memories back, but i can't help myself to tell you that i literally cried reading this. I can't even beging to imagine what pain you and your family went through. Inshallah, Asma is happy and in peace. You are an awesome brother and I love you with all my heart for the sake of Allah (swt). Here for you whenever you need me.

    your everloving brother in Islam

     
  • At Tuesday, February 27, 2007 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Amad said…

    assalamalikum Omar, this is truly a sorrow that many of us have never felt. I really feel for you brother, I know it has been 2 years since she has been gone, after Allah blessed all of you with 12 years of life. May Allah grant your sister Jannat-ul-Firdaus and collect all of your family with her in Jannah. And May Allah grant you continued patience and reward for this massive trial.

     
  • At Tuesday, February 27, 2007 8:11:00 PM, Blogger illuminatingfaith said…

    As Salaamu alaikum,

    May Allah grant your sister a place in the highest of Jannat-ul-Firdous and grant you and your family the same for enduring such a test from Allah. Ameen, thumma ameen.

     
  • At Wednesday, April 25, 2007 9:25:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    my ALLAH!
    SubhanAllah!! we all Allah's and to Him we return!! Ameen to all the duas!! may Allah reunite you all in Jannah!

    Was Salaam

     
  • At Wednesday, April 25, 2007 3:52:00 PM, Anonymous Amina said…

    Salam..
    today is a year tothe death of my best friend.. he died on hi borthday atthe age of 21..
    i share your pain.. coz he was a frnd and a bro.. adn i know.. how u felt
    God heal u .. aameen

     
  • At Saturday, May 05, 2007 7:07:00 AM, Anonymous Soniyen said…

    AA, Wallahi, as I read about Asma, I now feel I always knew her. I never met her, but I know her now. Not only my eyes, but my heart cried and felt the pain. Children goes to straight to Jennah. May Allah grant her a place right next to our Beloved Prophet(SAW). May Allah give you & family patience. Ameen!

     
  • At Tuesday, June 19, 2007 10:05:00 AM, Blogger Bentali said…

    This reminded me of the time my grandfather passed away. It was very similar.

    May god rest her soul and his in peace.

     
  • At Monday, April 07, 2008 1:52:00 PM, Anonymous Sairah said…

    I normally don't bawl at blog posts but I really couldn't help it this time. I can't even begin to imagine how you and your family are feeling. It's impossible for me to.

    However, this post, probably more than most things, has made me realize death in a new way. It's no longer some distant phantom of the old and experienced. Inshallah, this will be another reminder for me to live my life the way Allah has prescribed.

    My duas will surely include your entire family from here on out, for what they're worth.

     
  • At Tuesday, February 11, 2014 4:37:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Inna lillahi InnaIlayhi Rajiun. May Allah SWT bless her soul. There is a emotional difference between losing someone much younger than you and simeone of an old age. I cannot even imagine the pain of the author n his family. Masha Allah, the familys Imaan is so strong that they have accepted Allah SWTs will. Stay strong brother. Give sadaqa in Asma's name. Jazak Allah khair for sharing this deep personal experience.

     

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