Trust

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Wow, its already been a month since I've last posted on here. Time went by so fast. Subhana'Allah.

Lately times have been pretty tough for one reason or another. Alhamdulillah, Im getting through it and Insha'Allah will come out of it completely.

When I encounter a hardship, I get sometimes get angry or get depressed or both. I think of Asma and remember the times we have had together. I will also sometimes visit her grave at the cemetery.

I visited her grave after I got done grocery shopping yesterday. It was pretty chilly and cloudy. It made the mood even more depressing. Wasnt that bad though. Alhamdulillah.

As always, when I went to her grave, all these memories started flowing in my mind. As much as I would try to avoid them, I would also have memories of her in pain and when she was ill. I tried to focus more on the good times that we had together. Wallah she was full of life and full of love for people. She openly admitted I was her favorite bro (well later on she wouldnt say that in fear of hurting my other brothers feelings. lol).

I started to think of what would it be like to have Asma around when going through some tough times right now in life. Asma was a person who would always cheer you up and make you feel better. She knew what to say. She knew how to say it. She know what to do. She knew how to do it.

Whenever I would have a problem or would need advice, she would talk to me and help me out big time. Yes, all this from a girl who was half my age. Literally.

Wallahi everyday, even to this day, I still learn from Asma. She has taught me a lot. I either learned from her words of wisdom or the way she presented herself and by her actions.

One thing that I dont know why I failed to realize was that she was very wise when it came to trusting people. Of course she would give everyone a chance, but was also wise and cautious. She was alert. She knew how people act and what they say. She would trust them, but wouldnt trust them with everything. She kept a distance until she knew it was safe and the person was a good person.

Here I am, I trust everyone the very first time I meet them. Its not the fact that I regret trusting them, but about how much I trust them with everything and anything. I will even go on to tell them my personal life. Who in the right mind does that?

Asma never did that. She gave everyone the benefit of doubt and trusted them, but only to a certain point.

The reason why Im thinking about this a lot right now is because I trusted people with my secrets and they went ahead and told others about it. I trusted fellow Muslims with my words, but they went ahead and told others. I can only blame myself for this for being so naive (and stupid) for trusting people with all my secrets. I feel really stupid. I feel stupid because Im old enough to know better but I still did things out of stupidity. Asma on the other hand was way younger, but showed maturity and actually used her mind.

I dont know. I dont think Im making sense. If this post seemed way off, its because Im not thinking straight. I just thought Id post this to share how I miss Asma and how I keep thinking of her. Wish she was here to talk...

Damn I really loved her...

May Allah bless her soul and elevate her status to the highest. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with her once again in the hereafter. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa and reward them greatly for everything they have done for Asma. Ameen
May Allah make us better Muslims and take our souls as Believers. Ameen
May Allah allow me to see Asma in my dreams. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.