I Will Never Ever Forget

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Wow its been a while since I've last posted here.

I guess one of the reasons is that for this blog, I like to type it when Im absolutely free of worries (well I guess that will never happen) and have time to myself.

Thats why sometimes I dont update it as much. However I should. People have been telling me that they have learned a lot from Asma through my blog. They also have told me that they have noticed a boost in their faith and have become better Muslims, better people. So Insha'Allah, my goal is to post here more often. I have also added the subscription feature so you guys can be notified whenever it is updated. If it doesnt work, let me know Insha'Allah.

My best friend the other night gave me an idea and Im seriously looking into it. I was suggested that I should write a book about Asma and her experiences from my point of view. Basically, take this blog and convert it into a book and plus add more. Im definately interested and thinking about doing that with the help of my best friend.

If anyone have any suggestions, please let me know, Insha'Allah.

Not a day goes by without her on my mind. I think of her every day, every night. I talk about her with my parents, friends and strangers.

Asma had this huge impact on me. She has left this place in my heart that can never be replaced. Never. Even when I have kids, it wont replace Asma.

In fact, one of the reasons why I made this blog was so that when I have kids Insha'Allah, they can read about her and learn what kind of person she was. They can read and learn how she influenced me from eating to taking care of my health to praying.

Subhana'Allah she was a person whom I will never ever forget.

I would love to have a daughter like Asma. In fact, I will name my daughter Asma if I Allah blesses me with a daughter. Asma was a girl who never wished harm upon anyone. She was a person who never spoke ill of anyone. She was a girl who always wanted the best for everyone. She was a girl who tried to mend relationships especially between family members.

During my summer vacation, I have been doing a lot of cleaning around the house. My basement was pretty dirty in a sense that it was packed with belongings that accumulated over the years especially when Asma was ill.

Everything we would get from the hospital, we would put it in the basement. All the presents Asma would get from people, we would put it in the basement. In fact, there is so much stuff, that the basement became full and as a result we put much of the stuff in the garage and cabinets in the family room. Even now, we barely have any room for more.

Anyways, as Im going through stuff hidden under old boxes and some random junk, I see Asma's belongings such as her scarves, clothes, games, paintings, school work, wheelchair, portable toilet, crutches, walker and her medicine which is still in the fridge. No one wants to get rid of her stuff.

I still have her breathing tube that she had under her nose during her last days.

As Im working and cleaning the place up, I come across her things and just stop. I stop. I cant go on without thinking about it.

I try to shake it off and try not to think about it much and continue to do my work, but I fail to do that.

I stop and just look at her stuff and try to think of her smile, her giggle, her sweet scent, her beautiful, soft hands. I try to think of the times we had together. I get sad. My heart beats faster. I sometimes cant believe shes really gone.

When there are times when people think Im nuts or dont care to listen, I wish Asma was here to listen to me and talk to me.

She would never ever wish harm upon me or call me names. She would smile and laugh to cheer me up. She would be serious and listen carefully to what I have to say and advise me accordingly.

God I loved her. I still do. Nothing has changed. She was the Princess of the house. She was the little baby. lol She liked to be treated as one too...the special little baby.

She soon gave up on everyone when she realized nobody but her immediate family would ever be there for her. It was true. She hoped for people to come see her and talk to her. But as days went by and the time for her to go came nearer, it was pretty obvious. So then she just realized that her family loves her so much and will be there for her.

I remember one of the last things she ate was cheese ravioli. She actually made me go to the store and get some. I brought it home and cooked it for her. She loved it. She told me it was good. But because her body was shutting off, she didnt eat much. She used to tell me I make the best sandiwches. LOL

I will once in a while go in her room and go through her clothes. They are still hanging in the closet. I her prosthetic leg is still in the closet. I have her stuff animals and her blanket. I sometimes I keep her blanket with me. Its my sock drawer actually and whenever I miss her, I stuff her blanket in my face and try to smell her scent.

Its harder and harder when I look at her stuff. I miss her more and more.

I go through pictures, but cant really see them after a few seconds. I feel so sick. I feel like crying. I feel like my heart would shut off or something.

She was a cute baby. I remember taking care of her when she was a baby. lol I remember feeding her milk or putting her to sleep in my arms. Insha'Allah these will be my next entries. I think this a bit too long.

Im also going to write about the trip to Georgia Insha'Allah soon.

Please keep my family in your dua'as Insha'Allah especially my mother.

May Allah forgive us all and guide us to the straight path. Ameen
May Allah elevate Asma's status to the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah prepare us for death. Ameen
May Allah take us as believers from this world. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.