My Random Thoughts

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

So today I got a phone call from Brian whom we met while we were in Mexico for Asma's treatment.

Subhana'Allah it brought back so many memories. I felt like crying while on the phone. Plus my mom was there so I just held it in.

Wallah all the memories were coming back to me. Everything from morning time till night time, everything was in my mind again.

I miss her pretty smile on her glowing face, sweet giggles, funny laughs, witty comments and her the warmth she used to give out.

People became very close to Asma. They used to look at Asma for courage and strength. Im not even exaggerating. They would turn to Asma and tell her how much she has helped them during trying times.

They would tell Asma that they were ashamed of themselves because they had given up where Asma who was 12 years old, had given all that she had.

Even on the phone Brian remembered that Asma put up a good fight against cancer. They knew about Asma and how she had patience, courage and how she resilient she was. Subhana'Allah.

They loved her so much that Brian and Sherry got Asma presents out of nowhere. Also, Brian's mother in law (Sherry's mother) made a blanket, gloves, winter cap and muffler for Asma. Asma used them even during her last days.

Asma was one who had captured many hearts all around the world. Even if they met only once, people would call back and write to her asking about her.

I cant even look at her pictures let alone watch her videos. It makes me cry if I stumble upon her pictures. Her movies are somewhere collecting dust. I have no intention of watching them either. Maybe I will never watch them. I will just give them to my wife and kids Insha'Allah to watch one day so they know who she was. I dont know.

I've been having flashbacks of Asma more than ever. I dont know why. Sometimes those flashbacks are more like nightmares. I wake up worried and sometimes crying. There are times I cry in my sleep.

I dont want to mention those nightmares/flashbacks. When Im actually having them, its like its happening all over again. So scary.

Man whenever I think about the stuff she has gone through, I still cant even imagine how she did it. I mean how? How is it even possible for a little girl like her to go through what she went through.

No one can even imagine. Even if I tried to describe the images, no one still will ever be able to picture it and realize what she went through.

Hell, even I cant and I was there to witness the pain and suffering that she endured.

Maybe one day I will describe her experiences, but right now, I dont think I can.

Im going to post up pictures of her room, toys, clothes, and even her medicine cabinet that is still there, Insha'Allah. Everything is still there. Most of the stuff is untouched. Even her shoe is still there ever since she last wore it. Its been almost 14 months and no one even tried to move it. I dont think they will either.

God I miss her...

Hmm well Im going to end this here.

May Allah elevate her status in Jannah to the highest. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with her once again. Ameen
May Allah forgive us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah give my parents shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah give my family shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah reward all the parents who have lost child(ren) and grant them Jannah. Ameen
Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.