When I Turned 23.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Well, I turned 24 today, Alhamdulillah. All praises be to Allah.

I have been up for over a 24 hours now. I couldnt sleep last night. I kept thinking about Asma and what it was like during her last days.

It will be a year on the 11th since she has passed away. I remember during her last few days, she was very sick. Not only she was mostly paralyzed, but her body was slowly shutting down. Her system was shutting down and giving up.

It was obvious her health was declining. She wouldnt speak. She wouldnt move. She wouldnt laugh. She wouldnt cry. She was just in bed hooked up to the oxygen.

Because her 1 1/2 lungs were collapsed, she had a hard time breathing. She would constantly have breathing/coughing attacks. She would constantly cough to get fluid out, but rarely did she ever get anything out.

As days went by, as she coughed more and more, you could sense how the coughs were getting weaker and weaker. You could hear fluids inside her while she breathed.

Anyways, as described above, this is how Asma was one year ago when I turned 23. During her last days, I was sleeping downstairs with her and my mom. Asma was in the bed that we had for downstairs. My mom was on the recliner and I slept on the couch.

All throughout the night, every 5 minutes I would here her cough. And whenever she coughed, she would yell out, "Omar! Saas! Emergency!" ("Omar! Breathing attack. Emergency!")

I would quickly get up and hook her up to the oxygen machine as well as the Nebulizer. Sometimes it would calm her down. Other times it wouldnt.

There were times when she coughed for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT! Nonstop! Subhana'Allah.

Anyways, one of the times I got up and told her, "Asma guess what? Im 23. hehe"

I was looking for every way to make her feel better and cheer up.

Heres the sad part...when I told her I turned 23, she remained silent. However, when I saw her, I could tell she wanted to smile and laugh. I could tell her by facial expression.

She would always tease me of how Im getting old. lol

But it really got me sad. It got me sad because it was hard to see her motionless and in pain.

If anything, she would say "Allahu Akbar!" or "La Illaha Illillah Muhammad RasoolAllah."

Subhana'Allah, it was really a depressing scene. I can still hear her voice and coughs and the sounds of the oxygen machines.

Subhana'Allah. :(

I just thought Id share this since I have been thinking about that all night.

May Allah raise Asma's status to the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma again. Ameen
May Allah give us all sabr and shiffa. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.