This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Friday, August 05, 2005

One More Time

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

So I just got back from the cemetery. I went there after I prayed Jummah.

While going there, I kept thinking about the day she had passed away. Subhana'Allah, everytime I think about it or go towards her grave, my heart beats faster. I have this indescribable feeling inside of me. Its a feeling of helplessness and lonliness. Its a feeling of emptiness.

It may sound wierd when I say that I feel lonely and empty because I dont have my 12 year old sister any more. I may sound wierd coming from a 23 year old guy. However, she was one of the closest person to me in my life.

She knew stuff about me that sometimes others didnt. She would even try to help me get out of trouble from my parents. lol Subhana'Allah.

Most of all, she gave me advice when I needed it most. She lent me an ear when no one else did. She was there for me whenever I needed her.

While on my way to the cemetery, I kept thinking about the moment when we prayed Salatul Janazah and viewed for the final time. I vividly remember that after we saw and kissed her for the last time, I wouldnt let them close the casket. I told them I want to kiss her once more.

In my mind, I figured that I will give Asma many kisses so that later I wont think that I wished I can kiss her again. So as they were closing the casket, I said, "Abhi ruqay." ("Stop right now.")

I proceeded to give her a kiss. As I planted my lips on her cold, sweet-scented cheek, I didnt move for a good 5-7 seconds. 5-7 seconds may not seem much, but it was. Everyone was just watching and waiting for me to get up.

At the time I thought that I gave her enough kisses and I wouldnt wish later that I could give her more kisses. Well, little did I know that now as I type this, it feels like I only gave her one kiss.

I just want to kiss all over her fluffy, whitish/pinkish, cold, sweet-scented cheeks and her forehead again. I want to hug her once more. I want to run my fingers through her hair like the way she asked me to do so when she wanted to go to sleep one last time.

One more thing I wish I can do once more to her...say, "I love you."

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

4 Comments:

  • At Friday, August 05, 2005 7:54:00 PM, Blogger Hijabi4Life said…

    subhanAllah...:'(

    no matter how many hugs, kisses, talks, memories, laughter and tears you two had...no matter how much you tried to be with her and help take care of her and spend time with her...it always feels like it was never enough...:(

    I guess maybe it's just human nature, to feel like nothing we did was ever enough. makes you realize what our priorities should really be...and how little time we have on earth to fulfill them....

    I'm positive that she knew how much you loved her, without a doubt. :) it shows in your words and your actions...

    may Allah swt reunite your family with her in Jannah...Ameen

     
  • At Friday, August 05, 2005 10:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hmmm

     
  • At Wednesday, August 10, 2005 12:13:00 PM, Blogger Squeeky said…

    Assalaamu Alaikum :D

    She knows you love her, there is no doubt about that masha'Allah, such a beautiful sibling bond you both had.

    May Allah Swt grant her a wonderful place in the highest ranks of Jannat-ul-Firdos, ameen.

     
  • At Thursday, October 16, 2008 8:29:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    alhamdulillah she knows you loved her and you know she loved you alot, but i know how it feels like when you want to see someone one last time because you feel like what you said or did was inadequate.i feel like that about my grandfather,i dont know why i didnt hug him enough.there a picture of me and him sitting next to each other and i always ask my self why wasnt i hugging him then.i wish i could see him one more time to tell him i love him too.

    and nobody has to understand how your in ur 20's and feel lonely and empty.but do know that there are people who understand what you're saying and im one of them and im sure theres many others

     

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