This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Questions.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Subhana'Allah, when I think back about what Asma and I used to talk about, I laugh. I also cry. But I also cringe.

I cringe because I think about how I used to get goosebumps when Asma asked me questions that normally, a child wouldnt ask.

Its not like she was depressed or angry. She asked me casually as if she was asking me for a piece of candy. To her, it was no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

I still remember one day I was driving my parents and my sisters, Aysha and Asma, to Devon Avenue to get food and go shopping for Asma. Prior to that, we had visited Lutheran General Hospital for her doctor's appointment to see if she is doing ok.

Anyways, I was driving, my mom was next to me in the passenger seat, my dad was behind me, Asma was next to my dad (she loved sitting next to him), and Aysha was all the way in the back.

Out of nowhere, Asma asks, "Daddy, agar mein marjao, mujey kown ghusl dhay ga?" ("Daddy, if I die, who will give me a ghusl?")

She just asks casually. Of course, we were all held back and speechless. I look to my mom and shes on the verge of crying. My dad is in the back looking out the window thinking God knows what. I could see the sadness filling his face.

My dad just told her not to think like that. I mean, what else can you say?

Then a shortwhile later, she asked, "Agar, mein marjao, mein Hell may jaongi?" ("If I die, will I go to Hell?")

My dad turned to her and asked why she had asked that.

Asma replied, "Isli hay kay mein nay namaz miss kardi thi." ("Because I missed a prayer.")

Subhana'Allah. :(

Then on other separate occasions, Asma has asked me many times questions about her leg ever since it had been amputated. She would ask me questions about it usually when we would pass a cemetery while driving.

She would ask me if I saw her leg after it was amputated. She also asked me, "Meri taang kahape bury howi vi ay?" (Where is my leg burried at?")

Sometimes she would also ask me, "Agar mein marjao, mujey meri taang ke paas bury karange?" ("If I die, would they bury me by my leg?")

Asma was such a curious person. I remember one time she asked me, "Jub Qiyamaat aye gi, meri taang hoi gi?" ("When the Day of Judgement comes, will I have my leg?")

Whenever Asma would ask questions about her leg, I would feel my stomach turn. I also admired Asma for her strength and resilience. I mean her leg was amputated all the way up to her hip, and she is still acting as if its no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

She would ask me details of what it was like when I went to bury her leg (Insha'Allah I will make a post about that later). It seemed as if it was something cool to her. She would smile and laugh. Subhana'Allah. Im speechless.

She also asked me something that I didnt know how to answer, if at all. She would ask this often. She always asked, "Agar mein marjao, tum rogay?" ("If I die, would you cry?")

Whenever she would ask me that, she would laugh so hard. I tried to keep a straight face and told her not to talk like that, but inside I was torn and didnt know what to say or think.

She would then say, "I know you would cry. I know you would because you love me so much."

I would just smile and try to change subjects. :(

One thing that I will always remember that she told me was when she said, "You know what? After I die, besides mom and dad, I know you will cry the most for me?"

I said, "Uhh, why do you say that?"

Asma said, "Well because you love me so much and care for me so much and took care of me all the time and used to carry me everywhere and you became close to me."

Subhana'Allah, I swear when she said that, I felt like I was on the top of the world, but at the same time I wanted to cry so much.

Asma would just laugh when she would say that. Apparently she found the thought of me crying pretty amusing. lol She always told me that I think I am mature and act all macho when really Im just an immature kid. She used to tease me about that. lol Yeah, it was funny.

Asma was such a smart person. She could read peoples eyes and know what they were thinking. Something I'm learning to do now...

I think Im going to go visit her...

May Allah grant Asma the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah give my family and myself sabr. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma again. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.

7 Comments:

  • At Sunday, July 10, 2005 5:25:00 PM, Blogger Hijabi4Life said…

    Ameen to your duaas.

    SubhanAllah, she was such a mature thinker...wow. Most adults have difficulty dealing with the probability of death, yet she handled this gracefully and seemed to accept it as a natural part of life...:'(

    InshaAllah I want to see her grave someday. My only regret is that I didn't know her personally. :'( It's my loss, really. SubhanAllah.

     
  • At Tuesday, July 12, 2005 5:03:00 PM, Blogger Ally said…

    Ameen.

    Wow. You two seemed so close. I don't know how I'd manage without my siblings.. subhan'Allah.

    May Allah (swt) grant you and your family sabr and strength insha'Allah.

     
  • At Wednesday, July 13, 2005 4:41:00 AM, Blogger Striver said…

    Mashallah, I enjoyed reading the post. Its a reminder really and a lesson. She was so young and passed away and here we are thinking we've got along way to go before we die...May Allah make us of those who prepare for death before it comes to them...

     
  • At Friday, July 15, 2005 11:07:00 AM, Anonymous IbnIslam said…

    Assalaam u alaikum bro, you know who this is.

    It takes a lot to make me cry at work bro...

    Gone, but not forgotten,
    She awaits her family InshaaaAllah
    Much love was begotten
    Through your diary, Alhamdulillah

    I miss your face, bro. E-mail me sometime Inshaaa Allah

     
  • At Friday, July 15, 2005 11:42:00 AM, Anonymous ibnislam said…

    If a pure blameless child can doubt her final destination because she missed a single prayer, what about an corrupt man like me who has no excuse before Allah? Oh man...

     
  • At Sunday, July 31, 2005 2:05:00 PM, Blogger the3rdkhalifa said…

    Bismillah

    Ameen.

    I know we don't know each other, but masha'Allah may Allah reward you and your family for your patience. Ameen. May your sister be showered with the blessings of Allah's rahmah in the afterlife. Just continue to do sadaqa jariya, make dua, and whatever she taught you, teach others...that way these three things continue insha'Allah to increase her good deeds and her level in Jannah insha'Allah.

    Ma3asalaama
    Your Sister in Islam
    Melody

     
  • At Wednesday, October 15, 2008 11:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    the part about her and the missed prayer felt like a bullet.i hadnt known her leg had gotten amputated.thats so much for a child to handle but subhanallah she was a trooper a courageous muslimah,an example even to older sisters

     

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