Bitter Reality

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakauth,

I still remember it so vividly as if it happened yesterday. I will never forget the day we found out she was diagnosed with cancer.

It was Thursday, May 31st, 2001 around 5:00 PM when we recieved a phone call from Asma's doctor. It was a warm, sunny day and we all had gotten done eating.

Asma had been to the doctor's office earlier in the day for x-rays and blood tests because of some symptoms that she had been having. Asma actually had been having pain in her knee 6 months prior while the doctors just ignored it. Her knee started to swell and kept getting bigger. She even started to limp.

Anyhow, the doctor calls with the results. My dad had answered the phone as we were all nervously sitting there waiting for results.

My father was quiet pretty much throughout the conversation with the doctor. I noticed he took several deep breathes. It was becoming clear that something was wrong.

I still remember what my doll was wearing and what she was doing. Asma was wearing a navy blue jump suit with a t shirt underneath. Her navy blue pants had a baby blue stripe on each side while her sweater-like jacket was buttoned together. She was wearing a white shirt underneath with a necklace around her neck.

Her long, silky, straight hair was pushed back with a hair clip. She was such a beauty.

She was lying down on the floor with her back to the floor. Her head was resting on the cushion. She was anxious to know the results as well.

My father hung up. He looked over towards Asma and got up. He slowly walks up to her. As he walks towards Asma, he reluctantly tells us she has a tumor. Just as he said it, he broke down and starts bawling.

He kneels down and reaches over to Asma. He gets a hold of Asma and brings her close to himself and wraps his arms around her. He keeps crying and wouldnt stop.

He keeps saying, "Ye meri phool hai. Ye tho pooray khandaan ki jewel hai." ("Shes my gem. Shes the jewel of the family.")

My mom starts crying too. She doesnt know what to do. She is in shock and cant believe it. I could tell her she had the sense of helplessness in her.

My brothers, Aysha, and myself were all in shock. Literally, I didnt even know what was going on. I thought to myself, "How can Asma and tumor go together?"

I swear, that day it felt as if my whole world came crashing down. Asma is my world.

While we were shocked and in tears and left speechless, Asma was confused. She didnt know what was going on. She didnt know what a tumor was.

She looks to my father and mother while they were crying and starts to cry herself.

I still remember her exact words. She said, "Aap mujey dararay hai. Kia howa?" ("You are scaring me. What happened?") She said this while she weeped. It broke my heart to see her cry like that. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now. :'(

We, however, didnt tell her about the tumor.

We all just sat there trying to figure out what had happened and what to do next.

A while later, I went over to her and laid next to her on the same cushion. We smiled and laughed and sang songs to each other. She put me to shame with her sweet, melodious voice. lol She would laugh at me when I started to sing. Then we would start joking around.

A while later she started to recite all the Surahs she knew along with the dua'as.

I wish I can relive that moment again where we laughed and enjoyed each others presence.

The next day we were supposed to get a report around noon saying that she indeed did have a tumor.

We were in denial and had hope that maybe its really nothing and the doctor was just fooled by the mark on the x-ray.

Friday came. I had prayed Jummah at the Naperville masjid. I called as soon as I got done praying. I was sitting in the car as I called. I asked if the doctor had called to tell us anything.

Well, our fears became a reality. She did indeed have a tumor. I hung up. I put my head down and start to cry. I couldnt believe it. Subhana'Allah I never thought this would happen.

The only times I heard about it was on TV or on those commercials where various hospitals raise funds for cancer research.

I went home and found everyone quiet with tears in their eyes rolling down their cheeks. Asma was quiet, but didnt seem to really know what was actually going on. She was quiet because we were sad.

Little did she know, that was the beginning of the end...

May Allah Subhanawatalaa grant her the highest level in Jannah. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa reward her for the patience and faith in Him that she had. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give my parents, Aysha and the rest of the family sabr and strength to get through this trial. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa allow us to use this as a reminder of death and let us prepare for it. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa forgive us all and guide us to the right path. Ameen.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.