Is she really gone?

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

"Wow, is she really gone?"

Thats what I ask myself everyday. So many things remind me of her. Im even having nightmares/flashbacks. Its really driving me nuts. I dont really tell anyone except for a people like my parents and my very close friends. Im afraid I will just burst into tears and cry my lungs out. Sometimes Im scared to talk about my sister and how I miss her. I really wonder many times if I will end up in a mental hospital in the future. I really dont know how my parents do it. Masha'Allah, such great courage and faith in Allah they have.

May Allah reward them. Ameen.
May Allah grant them Sabr. Ameen.
May Allah grant them Jannah and raise their status to the highest one. Ameen.
May Allah forgive them and keep them on the straight path. Ameen.

Whenever I go to the cemetery to visit her, I sometimes am left bewildered. I mean I never in a million years would have thought that Asma would die and I would lose her.

Its pretty uncanny to see her name written on her grave marker. There it is...her grave marked by a marker with her name, "Asma Haq" followed by the dates reading, "Oct. 9, 1992 - Feb. 11, 2005."

Subhana'Allah, can you believe it? Shes gone. Shes history. Shes forever gone. :'(

I have no one to wake me up 3 in the morning and tell me to go to the grocery store and buy her candy.

I have no one to call me every 5 min and tell me to do something. :(

Another thing that makes me miss her so much is the fact that she isnt here to talk to me about life...problems.

When you have people going around talking about you and your personal life and bash you both privately and publicly, you need some one to talk to.

When you have people going around spreading rumors and slander/backbite you and your personal life, you need some to believe you and know the truth.

Asma did both. She talked to me and believed me and knew what the truth was. Even though she would tell me not to care, she would be there to share the pain and/or anger with me.

Wow, Subhana'Allah...shes gone. :(

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.