Almost Drowned in the Pacific Ocean

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Yesterday the T.V. was on and for a split second they showed huge waves somewhere in an ocean. When my mom saw that, she recalled the time when my parents, Asma and I were about to drown.

It was when we were in Tijuana, Mexico for Asma's treatment. We were there because all the other doctors either refused to treat her or told us that we should pretty much take her home and make her comfortable as much as possible and prepare for death. I think I've written about our trip to Mexico, but Insha'Allah I will write more about it as Im never out of memories of Asma. You can give me a point in time and I go on and on and ramble away with memories of Asma.

It was on the Pacific Ocean (I think that's correct) where we almost drowned. About one hundred yards from us, was a fence that was dividing the border of U.S. and Mexico. One one side was U.S. and on the other side was Mexico.

I dont know why, but there werent any people there. Actually, it was a good thing they werent there. That gave us a bit more room and freedom to go there without worrying about any fitnah.
Asma loved beaches. She loved to play in the sand. She would make anything everything from sand. lol

Since Asma had her whole leg amputated all the way up to her hip, she was wheelchair bound. Because it was only my parents and Asma, I would do much of the pushing of her wheelchair. My parents would get tired more than they already were.

At first going to the beach was a challenge. I mean its hard enough to walk sometimes in the sand, yet here I am with a wheelchair. But of course, I'd do anything for Asma.

Even before going down to the sand, I had to down about 3-4 sets of stairs of 5. So I turned her wheelchair around and tilted her wheelchair back so that I could roll her wheelchair down on the back wheels step by step. That itself was a task.

Then was once we came down to the sand, the next obstacles was actually going through the sand. How would I push her wheelchair through sand? I decided to turn her around her wheelchair again and pull her wheelchair backwards on its back wheels again. Even though it worked, it was a workout in itself. I felt it in my arms. lol

Asma happily got out of her wheelchair and sat on the sand and started to play. She was very excited. She made everything and anything with sand until she got tired and bored. My parents were talking to each other. Asma then wanted to soak her foot in water.

Ever since Asma became ill, she was the one and only concern in our life, especially for my parents. All they did was worry and try to think of ways to help Asma win the battle against cancer. If you ever saw them smile, it was only on the outside. Inside they were crying and torn apart.

Anyways, surely enough, we agreed to do that. I picked Asma up so that she could stand on her foot. Whenever Asma wanted to stand on her foot, I would hold her from the back. She would raise her arms all the way up allowing me to wrap my arounds her, tightly holding her. She would then put her arms back down and start to slowly walk as she would take steps with her foot. I would in a way guide her where to go.

We got up to the edges of of where the waves came to a stop and go back. It was enough for Asma to get her foot soaked. She liked it. The water was nice and cool. It was refreshing. It came up to our ankles. My parents were there too. Wallahi anything that made Asma happy, it made my parents happy too. A smile on her put a smile on my parents. :'( Subhana'Allah.

Everything was going well. Asma was happy and so were my parents. I was happy too knowing everyone else was happy.

All of a sudden the currents got stronger and the water actually went pretty far out. Now, it may not seem much when I say that the water was up to the ankles, but it is a lot especially when the currents are strong and you are holding someone who is totally depending on you.

As the water would go back into the ocean, the sand underneath our feet would also wash away with the water. This caused us to lose balance and something to stand upon.

You know how if you spin in circles really fast and then stop and you feel dizzy and everything around is spinning? Well thats exactly how it seemed to us when looking down at the water and how fast the sand was being washed away.

My first instinct was to hold on to Asma firmly and make sure she was in my arms and in my control. Honestly, I didnt care what would have happened to me. I just told myself, "If I drown, so be it. Oh well." There was no way in hell would I let something happen to Asma. She was our little precious jewel.

The problem didnt stop there though. I also had to worry about my parents. Obviously I didnt want them to drown either. I had to worry about my parents and Asma.

Although I was worried about both of my parents and Asma, I was more worried for my mom and Asma because I knew my dad could handle himself whereas my mom wouldnt be able to.

My dad was holding Asma with his left hand and my mom with his right. My mom was holding Asma with her right hand.

I kept telling my parents to get away from the water and walk back so they can be safe. I wanted to focus on saving Asma, but I also had to worry about my parents. My parents wouldn't go. My mom was shouting more than my dad. We were afraid we would lose Asma. :'(

I kept telling them go and not worry about me and Asma. But they kept refusing and instead told me to get out with Asma. Their main concern was saving Asma and I.

I somehow was able to plant my feet firmly into the sand (even with the water washing it away). It was hard trying to maintain balance and keep Asma tightly in my arms.

Anyways, I, with the help my of parents, did manage to get Asma out of the water and onto the land where it was safe for us. Alhamdulillah.

We looked at the water and how we were about to get swallowed by the massive ocean. Subhana'Allah. Just look at the power and strength of Allah. Its a reminder of how Mighty and Powerful Allah is. Just look around you. Nothing is done or created without the Will of Allah. Allahu Akbar!

Subhana'Allah I was so relieved and happy that Asma and my parents were okay. My heart was beating so fast. I just didnt want anything to happen to my parents and Asma. I feel like thats all I have in this life...my parents and Asma. Well, now Asma is gone. The little Princess is gone. :'(

We made sure never to go back again. I dont know how, but we made it out safely. Well, it was the Will of Allah. Nothing but His Will. Subhana'Allah.

After we went back to the clinic we were staying at and even when we went back home in Chicago, we would think about the scare in the water and actually laugh at it, but even more we would think how we were saved by Allah SubhanaWata'ala.

After thinking about all this, I wish I can hold Asma once again and wrap my arms around her one more time. Just once more... :'(

May Allah elevate Asma's status to the highest in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents greatly for all what they did and going through right now. Ameen
May Allah give them sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah give my parents happiness and strength to get through this trial. Ameen
May Allah make us all better Muslims and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah allow us to prepare for death. Ameen
May Allah take our souls as Muslims. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Asma and Her Goat

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

So as the days are passing by and approaching Eid, I am thinking more and more about how I am going to slaughter the goat(s) at the farm after the prayer, Insha'Allah. As I was thinking about the past and how I slaughtered before, I remembered how Asma was with there with me.

I started to look for the pictures that were taken there and for a while couldnt find them. Just the other day I stumbled upon them and found the picture I was looking for, Alhamdulillah.

As you can see in the pic below, Asma is holding onto the horn (is that what you call it? Sorry my mind isnt working that well right now) and posing with the goat. lol She loved animals.

This is the goat that she picked out. When I was getting ready to slaughter the goat, I told Asma to watch me as I did. At first she tried to watch as I was getting ready, but as I was doing it, she covered her eyes with her hands and said, "I cant look." lol

When my mom cooked it, Asma couldnt eat it because she was sad and felt so attached to the goat. lol It was pretty funny. When I was slaughtering it, it was as if she wanted to cry because she was so sad. lol

Anyhow, here is the pic, Insha'Allah:



As you can see she has real short hair. Its because it was right after she had chemo and her hair started to grow back. She has been wheelchair bound ever since she became ill.

Insha'Allah I got more pics coming up soon. Keep checking back for more.

Sometimes when I post pics, it throws off this blog. The column in the right side is for some reason pushed all the way down.

May Allah elevate Asma's level to the highest in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite my family and I with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah keep us on the straight path and forgive us of our sins. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents greatly for their efforts and the sacrifices that they have made for Asma. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

I Wish She Was Here

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

I wish Asma was here. I miss her a lot. I miss her so much. Whenever I was down, she was always there to talk and listen. Just being in her presence made me feel much better.

I feel so out of it right now. I feel alone. I feel sad. I feel pissed. I feel angry. I dont know how else to put it. Its wierd.

I wish she was here though. I wish I can talk to her and feel better. She understood me. She understood where I was coming from. She understood what I was trying to say.

I miss her so much. I love her so much.

I wish she was here...

May Allah reunite us with her once again. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

"Snowy" Memories

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabaraktuh,

Today we have gotten our first snowfall. I dont know how many inches, but I'd say about 6-8 inches. Of course, as with everything, it reminded me of Asma.
As I was outside snowblowing the snow off of the driveway, my neighbors asked me to do theirs as well.

One of my neighbors gave me a chocolate cake for removing snow from his driveway. Too bad I cant eat sweets. lol My other neighbor gave me $20 for removing snow. That reminded me of something. I remember when I was younger, I'd go around the block removing peoples snow from their driveway with my snowblower. Of course, with me, both of my sisters would tag along even though sometimes I would tell them to stay home. Asma would come along with her mini pink shovel. lol She would play around more than anything while I'd be removing snow.

Then in the end, both of my sister would get paid too! They would get all happy. Asma would ask Aysha what she would do with the money they got. They would end up saving it for something later on. Of course, that would them come with me even more because they will get money too.

Then they would come home all happy with the money they had gotten for playing around. lol

Insha'Allah Im going to try to dig up some pictures of Asma in snow from the past.

The other memory that came to my mind was when Asma was in the hospital getting chemo. It was night time and there was a blizzard outside. I had a night class at the time, but I ended up not going. I just ended up spending time with Asma. It may not seem much of a memory to someone reading this, but to me it is. For some reason, that night always comes up in my mind. :( Sad, I know.

May Allah reunite us with Asma once again in the Akhirah. Ameen
May Allah make us better Muslims and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah take the pain away from my parents and give them sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah make it easy upon us. Ameen.
May Allah elevate Asma's level in Jannah to the highest. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.