Questions.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Subhana'Allah, when I think back about what Asma and I used to talk about, I laugh. I also cry. But I also cringe.

I cringe because I think about how I used to get goosebumps when Asma asked me questions that normally, a child wouldnt ask.

Its not like she was depressed or angry. She asked me casually as if she was asking me for a piece of candy. To her, it was no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

I still remember one day I was driving my parents and my sisters, Aysha and Asma, to Devon Avenue to get food and go shopping for Asma. Prior to that, we had visited Lutheran General Hospital for her doctor's appointment to see if she is doing ok.

Anyways, I was driving, my mom was next to me in the passenger seat, my dad was behind me, Asma was next to my dad (she loved sitting next to him), and Aysha was all the way in the back.

Out of nowhere, Asma asks, "Daddy, agar mein marjao, mujey kown ghusl dhay ga?" ("Daddy, if I die, who will give me a ghusl?")

She just asks casually. Of course, we were all held back and speechless. I look to my mom and shes on the verge of crying. My dad is in the back looking out the window thinking God knows what. I could see the sadness filling his face.

My dad just told her not to think like that. I mean, what else can you say?

Then a shortwhile later, she asked, "Agar, mein marjao, mein Hell may jaongi?" ("If I die, will I go to Hell?")

My dad turned to her and asked why she had asked that.

Asma replied, "Isli hay kay mein nay namaz miss kardi thi." ("Because I missed a prayer.")

Subhana'Allah. :(

Then on other separate occasions, Asma has asked me many times questions about her leg ever since it had been amputated. She would ask me questions about it usually when we would pass a cemetery while driving.

She would ask me if I saw her leg after it was amputated. She also asked me, "Meri taang kahape bury howi vi ay?" (Where is my leg burried at?")

Sometimes she would also ask me, "Agar mein marjao, mujey meri taang ke paas bury karange?" ("If I die, would they bury me by my leg?")

Asma was such a curious person. I remember one time she asked me, "Jub Qiyamaat aye gi, meri taang hoi gi?" ("When the Day of Judgement comes, will I have my leg?")

Whenever Asma would ask questions about her leg, I would feel my stomach turn. I also admired Asma for her strength and resilience. I mean her leg was amputated all the way up to her hip, and she is still acting as if its no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

She would ask me details of what it was like when I went to bury her leg (Insha'Allah I will make a post about that later). It seemed as if it was something cool to her. She would smile and laugh. Subhana'Allah. Im speechless.

She also asked me something that I didnt know how to answer, if at all. She would ask this often. She always asked, "Agar mein marjao, tum rogay?" ("If I die, would you cry?")

Whenever she would ask me that, she would laugh so hard. I tried to keep a straight face and told her not to talk like that, but inside I was torn and didnt know what to say or think.

She would then say, "I know you would cry. I know you would because you love me so much."

I would just smile and try to change subjects. :(

One thing that I will always remember that she told me was when she said, "You know what? After I die, besides mom and dad, I know you will cry the most for me?"

I said, "Uhh, why do you say that?"

Asma said, "Well because you love me so much and care for me so much and took care of me all the time and used to carry me everywhere and you became close to me."

Subhana'Allah, I swear when she said that, I felt like I was on the top of the world, but at the same time I wanted to cry so much.

Asma would just laugh when she would say that. Apparently she found the thought of me crying pretty amusing. lol She always told me that I think I am mature and act all macho when really Im just an immature kid. She used to tease me about that. lol Yeah, it was funny.

Asma was such a smart person. She could read peoples eyes and know what they were thinking. Something I'm learning to do now...

I think Im going to go visit her...

May Allah grant Asma the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah give my family and myself sabr. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma again. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.