Asma's Competitiveness

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Sometimes when I take a step back and read this blog, it seems as if I'm always posting about negative, depressing times. I guess it makes sense. I mean now that Asma is gone, its depressing. The feeling of emptiness is there and always will be. The posts that I have made in the past which were about good, fun times have overshadowed by the gloomy, sad posts. Therefore, I figured I should make more posts which may bring a smile to people (or atleast me) when reading about Asma.

Pretty much from the beginning since she became ill with cancer, Asma had been bed-ridden. She was immobile because of the massive tumor in her leg. What does one do while in bed all day, all night? The only times Asma left the bed was to go to the bathroom (and even then I would have to carry her) or when I took her to another bed downstairs.

Usually, she would either watch T.V., read or play games. The same was true for when she spent her time at the hospital during chemo.

Subhana'Allah, she was very competitive. I dont know how she did it, but she beat everyone in everything she played. She won so many times that people tried their best to beat her, yet still end up losing. Subhana'Allah that made me smile - even when she would beat me.

She had three favorite things to play: Uno (card game), checkers and Mario Cart on Nintendo64 (N64).

One of my favorite memories of her was playing N64 with her at the hospital on numerous occasions. I remember when she was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for a month straight prior to being transferred to another hospital to get her leg amputated, she was being given heavy doses of Morphine which had strong side effects. When being given Morphine, she would sleep most of the time. If she were up, she would just be in bed listening to peoples conversations. Her face would be expressionless.

The only two times that would "bring her to life" or put a smile on her face would be when my parents would be there and when I played N64 with her. She would actually sit up to play it with me. Subhana'Allah that was one of the best feelings - for her to smile because of me.

She wouldn't want to play N64 with anyone else but me. That makes me both happy and emotion as I type this. Ironically, I'd say that is one of the best times of my life. Strange isn't it?

The nurses would come into her room at the hospital and play Uno or checkers with her. They would actually come in and try to beat her. However, in the end, they'd walk out with another loss against Asma.

One can say that the game of Uno many times depends on the which cards you end up with. Yes, sometimes you get 'lucky' with certain cards. However, the same can't be said about Checkers. WIth that, you have to use your mind and make the next move. Even adults who knew how to play the game would lose to her.

I guess I can go on and on, but it just makes me smile everytime I think about this. It makes me smile even more when I think about how she loved playing N64 with me and how it made her feel happy. She would always be 'Princess' in Mario Cart and I would be 'Mario.' Fun times to say the least...

I miss her.

:'(

May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah elevate Asma's status in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah take our Souls in the state of Islam. Ameen
May Allah protect us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah

Inside the Pizza Shop

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

I have been wanting to post this for a while now, but I did not have a way to upload this picture below from my mobile phone until recently, thanks to a good friend of mine, Muneer (May Allah bless him and keep him on the straight path. Ameen). So finally, here it is and I am posting this up.

To many, it may be nothing more than just a picture. To me, its much more than that - it carries memories filled with smiles and tears with it.

I mentioned in few my previous posts that I was in Tijuana, Mexico for Asma's cancer treatment. We were there during most of the Ramadan. Because we went there without knowing much about the area or the people, we really didn't know what to expect. So it was a bit difficult to find halaal food in the area where we were. Plus, we werent really focused on that either since we were so consumed with Asma's illness and her well-being.

The clinic/mini hospital (in which we also stayed) was located right along the beach. As soon as you crossed the street, it was the ocean. You could even hear the waves during the night as the wind picked up making it a bit breezy. It was an eerie feeling to say the least. Two people had died while we were there. Asma's condition was up and down on a daily basis. We were living in uncertainty.

Anyhow, I had found a place across the street for food. It was a little pizza shop right on the beachfront. I'd usually get two pizzas for my parents and I to last us through Suhoor and Iftar. Asma didn't eat much.

The pizza shop became our place to go for a few weeks. Thats pretty much all we ate for Suhoor and Iftar for three weeks straight. In fact, when we came back to Chicago, I had lost any desire to eat pizza for a long time as I was sick of eating it.

During one of the first days we found the pizza shop, Asma was feeling pretty good. We decided to eat there with Asma. We tried to take each and every opportunity to spend any available time with Asma as we didnt know if we will be blessed with another chance of being around Asma. Strange thing is that I feel like I could have spent a lot more time with her. : (

Since we didnt have a time table or anything that would tell us the time for Maghrib/Iftar, I would look out at the sun and watch it set. The picture above was taken from inside the pizza shop during one of the first days of finding that pizza shop. We were waiting to break our fast with Asma. It was a special moment because it was with Asma. We watched as the sun set until it had disappeared from the horizon. It was a neat to see that. What can be more accurate than to actually see it yourself.

Subhana'Allah, each and every place you go, you can witness Allah's beautiful Creations.

Anyhow, whenever I look at this picture, it brings back old memories of Asma and my parents and how we spent time our last days with Asma together. Along with those memories, this picture also brings many smiles and tears...

I truly miss her.

May Allah elevate Asma's level to the highest in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah accept our souls in the state of Islam and reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents for everything they have done for Asma and for their patience and faith in Allah to deal with this trial. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and complete shiffa. Ameen
May Allah open the hearts of the Muslims and clear them of evil. Ameen
May Allah guide us to the straigth path. Ameen
May Allah protect us all. Ameen.
May Allah forgive me if I have upset or offended Asma. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.