Surat al-Hujrat and al-Naba

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Everyday I think of Asma. I think of her when I wake up, throughout the day, and before I go to sleep.

Every little thing reminds me of her. The van she used to sit in, the bed she used to sleep on, the remote control for the TV, her clothes, shoes, the tray she used to eat on, her breathing tube (yes I still have it) basically everything and anything.

There are two Surahs really remind me of her. One of them is al-Hujrat (one that is playing on this blog) and the other one is al-Naba by Mishary Rashid Al-Efasi.

I used to play al-Naba in the car and put it on repeat so it would keep playing. We played it the whole time when we left Chicago to go to Georgia. Then from Georgia we went to Texas and from there we went back home to Chicago.

The whole time we played al-Naba and it was pretty much set in our minds. I even played it in the car when I used to take Asma to rehab after she had her leg amputated.

So whenever the Surah would play, she would recite it too in a melodious voice. She knew where to raise her voice and where to lower it. She recited it better than I did. lol

The reason why al-Hujrat reminds me of Asma is because during her last several weeks, this is all that played throughout the house. We have downloaded it onto our computer and we played it 24/7 on the computer. It was even playing when she passed away.

My father starts crying whenever this Surah starts playing because it automatically reminds him of her and death.

It makes my heart beat faster when I listen to it. As I feel empty inside, this Surah boosts my Imaan.

May Allah reunite my family and I with Asma. Ameen.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

A Quick Reminder

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Many people have contacted me (and some have asked me in this blog) if they can give this blog out to others.

I have no problem with it as it is definately a reminder to us that death can happen at anytime. I can speak from personal experience that this has truly become an eye opener and is a constant reminder.

Also, one of the purposes of this blog was to tell people about Asma and give them an idea of who the girl was that they prayed for.

Many people around the world have made dua'a for her and the family and even went as far doing things for her. Writing about her and telling others about her is the least I can do.

So, feel free to let others know. Contact me at haq_omar@hotmail.com if you need to ask me anything else.

By the way, I'd like it if you let me know where you have given this blog out just for my own curiosity.

Jazak'Allah khair and may Allah Subhanawatalaa reward you all. Ameen.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Bitter Reality

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakauth,

I still remember it so vividly as if it happened yesterday. I will never forget the day we found out she was diagnosed with cancer.

It was Thursday, May 31st, 2001 around 5:00 PM when we recieved a phone call from Asma's doctor. It was a warm, sunny day and we all had gotten done eating.

Asma had been to the doctor's office earlier in the day for x-rays and blood tests because of some symptoms that she had been having. Asma actually had been having pain in her knee 6 months prior while the doctors just ignored it. Her knee started to swell and kept getting bigger. She even started to limp.

Anyhow, the doctor calls with the results. My dad had answered the phone as we were all nervously sitting there waiting for results.

My father was quiet pretty much throughout the conversation with the doctor. I noticed he took several deep breathes. It was becoming clear that something was wrong.

I still remember what my doll was wearing and what she was doing. Asma was wearing a navy blue jump suit with a t shirt underneath. Her navy blue pants had a baby blue stripe on each side while her sweater-like jacket was buttoned together. She was wearing a white shirt underneath with a necklace around her neck.

Her long, silky, straight hair was pushed back with a hair clip. She was such a beauty.

She was lying down on the floor with her back to the floor. Her head was resting on the cushion. She was anxious to know the results as well.

My father hung up. He looked over towards Asma and got up. He slowly walks up to her. As he walks towards Asma, he reluctantly tells us she has a tumor. Just as he said it, he broke down and starts bawling.

He kneels down and reaches over to Asma. He gets a hold of Asma and brings her close to himself and wraps his arms around her. He keeps crying and wouldnt stop.

He keeps saying, "Ye meri phool hai. Ye tho pooray khandaan ki jewel hai." ("Shes my gem. Shes the jewel of the family.")

My mom starts crying too. She doesnt know what to do. She is in shock and cant believe it. I could tell her she had the sense of helplessness in her.

My brothers, Aysha, and myself were all in shock. Literally, I didnt even know what was going on. I thought to myself, "How can Asma and tumor go together?"

I swear, that day it felt as if my whole world came crashing down. Asma is my world.

While we were shocked and in tears and left speechless, Asma was confused. She didnt know what was going on. She didnt know what a tumor was.

She looks to my father and mother while they were crying and starts to cry herself.

I still remember her exact words. She said, "Aap mujey dararay hai. Kia howa?" ("You are scaring me. What happened?") She said this while she weeped. It broke my heart to see her cry like that. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now. :'(

We, however, didnt tell her about the tumor.

We all just sat there trying to figure out what had happened and what to do next.

A while later, I went over to her and laid next to her on the same cushion. We smiled and laughed and sang songs to each other. She put me to shame with her sweet, melodious voice. lol She would laugh at me when I started to sing. Then we would start joking around.

A while later she started to recite all the Surahs she knew along with the dua'as.

I wish I can relive that moment again where we laughed and enjoyed each others presence.

The next day we were supposed to get a report around noon saying that she indeed did have a tumor.

We were in denial and had hope that maybe its really nothing and the doctor was just fooled by the mark on the x-ray.

Friday came. I had prayed Jummah at the Naperville masjid. I called as soon as I got done praying. I was sitting in the car as I called. I asked if the doctor had called to tell us anything.

Well, our fears became a reality. She did indeed have a tumor. I hung up. I put my head down and start to cry. I couldnt believe it. Subhana'Allah I never thought this would happen.

The only times I heard about it was on TV or on those commercials where various hospitals raise funds for cancer research.

I went home and found everyone quiet with tears in their eyes rolling down their cheeks. Asma was quiet, but didnt seem to really know what was actually going on. She was quiet because we were sad.

Little did she know, that was the beginning of the end...

May Allah Subhanawatalaa grant her the highest level in Jannah. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa reward her for the patience and faith in Him that she had. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give my parents, Aysha and the rest of the family sabr and strength to get through this trial. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa allow us to use this as a reminder of death and let us prepare for it. Ameen.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa forgive us all and guide us to the right path. Ameen.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Memories of Asma

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Everyday is a stuggle. Theres not one day that I go on without thinking of her. She was a part of my routine. She was my life. Everyday when I used to get up in the morning, I used to think to myself, "What do I need to do for Asma?" or "What is Asma doing right now?"

I would plan my schedule according to what Asma wants and needs.

Now that shes gone, I feel empty. I feel like theres a big chunk missing. Now that I come to think of it, I actually miss doing things for her. I miss taking care of her. I miss her telling me what to do and when to do it.

At this point, I think back and reflect upon the times that Asma and I had together.

We had some of the best times together. We would watch TV together, joke around, talk about funny inicidents, tell each other funny stories of us when we were little, or simply laugh so hard that our stomachs would start to hurt.

She loved to talk. Many times if I started to get up to go do stuff, she would literally tell me to sit down so we can talk more. lol Subhana'Allah I miss that.

Sometimes in the end, I would start to get tired and just shut my eyes in the same bed where was sitting to watch tv or talk to me. The next thing I know is that I feel her soft, little fingers run through my hair and massage my head. Within a few minutes I would fall asleep.

If she got bored while I was sleeping, she would pinch my nose shut and wake me up. As I would get up trying to breathe, she would laugh. lol We both would laugh.

Or sometimes she would play with my beard while if I was asleep. She would make pony tails out of my beard. LOL

She wouldnt say anything though. She would just quietly giggle as she watched me get up. When I would see her giggling and looking at my face, I always knew something was up. So I turn to the mirror and there I was...pony tails in a beard. lol Thats where she would laugh so hard.

To anyone, it may not seem much fun. It may not seem like that was fun. But to me, its something I would never give up for the world. I will cherish those moments for as long as I live. Im so glad I had the honor of being her brother and being to able spend that quality time with her everyday.

So now when I wake up everyday or before I go to sleep, instead of trying to schedule my day according to what Asma wants and needs, I think of the times I had with her and smile while I try to cover the tears.

I love her very much.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa grant her the highest level in Jannah. Ameen

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give us sabr and shiffa. Ameen

May Allah Subhanawatalaa reunite us with Asma soon.

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give my parents the best of both worlds; this dunya and the hereafter. Ameen

May Allah Subhanawatalaa give my sister Aysha strength and sabr to deal with losing her best friend, Asma. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.