Asma and Ramadan

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Its been over a month since I've last updated my blog even though I said I would start updating it more often. However, because of personal reasons (family thing), I havent been able to. However, things seem to be better now, Alhamdulillah. Some people even emailed me in regards to my blog and I havent been able to get back to them. Forgive me, Insha'Allah. I will get back to you soon, Insha'Allah ta'la.

So today was the first day of Ramadan (second for some depending where you are in the world) and Wallah, Asma has been on my mind non stop. Whatever I would do or think, Asma would be on my mind. As I would busy myself with chores and errands, the thoughts and memories would slowly fade away. A while later (maybe a several minutes), Asma comes back into my mind.

Its a sad, emotional feeling. As my father was leading prayers last night (he led Taraweeh at home so I prayed with him), Asma kept coming to my mind and I swear I felt like crying. Her cute, sparkling, yet mellow face would just pop into my mind with a beautiful smile as she always had.

I started to think about the times we had during previous Ramadans. I started to think about what she used to do with us during Ramadan. I started to think what we used to do with her during Ramadan. Subhana'Allah, every little thing would remind me of her. I really wanted to cry. Lately, I have been feeling like Im not the type of person that would cry anymore. I dont know why...

When talking to friends and relatives, I pretend that Im happy. I pretend that Im okay. But am I really...?

No. Deep down I'm still thinking about her. I'm still thinking about her laughs...her smiles...her giggles...her witty remarks...her determination...her strength, courage and bravery. Her everything.

Even watching a football game on tv reminds me of her. See, when she was around, wherever she went, she was the Princess. Basically, she was Princess Asma. Even places where no one knew her, she was treated like a Princess.

Anyways, at home, Asma had first priority over everything and anything. Everything was her way. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Now keep in mind she wasnt some little brat who would abuse the power and take advantage or people. Wallah she was of the most fairest people I have ever known. No joke. She would give everything up to make others happy...which she did. Many times.

Having said that, she knew that the tv was basically hers. If someone was watching tv and she wanted to watch it, all she had to say was, "I want to watch tv" and people would listen.

So every Sunday, the football games would be on. She knew that my father, brothers, Aysha love watching the Chicago Bears. My father wouldnt care much to watch it if Asma wanted to watch something.

So every Sunday she would tell everyone that she wants the remote control (or clicker lol) even before the game would start because she knew we wanted to watch the game. I would literally beg Asma for the remote so I can watch the Bears play.

She would firmly, but politely say, "No."

I would keep asking for it and keep getting the same response from her. I would finally give up and do whatever I would do. But a few seconds later, Asma would change the channel to the Bears game or just give me the remote. I would turn to her smiling. She would have the biggest smile on her face as well.

I know this story many not seem much, but its little stuff like this that I keep thinking about. This is what I mean that even a football game reminds me of her. Like today.

Anyways, this is the second Ramadan without Asma. Many things reminded me of Asma.

Last night while praying, I remembered how Asma used to pray with us. Even when her leg was amputated, she would crawl from the family room over to the living room and pray with us without saying a word.

This morning when I woke up around 5 AM for Suhoor to eat, Asma was on my mind. I remember how when Asma was with us, she would enjoy eating with us...even during Suhoor early in the morning.

I think there were a total of 2-3 Ramadans that came after Asma became ill.

When Asma became ill, her tumor in her leg made her immobile. She was disabled. She couldnt walk. She was bed-ridden ever since she became ill until she passed away.

Anyways, everyone would be downstairs. I would be one of the last ones to get up to eat. As I would wash up and come out of the bathroom to go downstairs, I would hear Asma whispering, "Omar..."

I would go wherever she would be and ask, "What?"

Asma would say, "Take me downstairs" or "Take me." (It was understood that whenever she would say "Take me," it meant to take her wherever she wanted to go.)

I would then pick her up in my arms and slowly walk to the stairs and go down. She would be smiling and looking at me. I would smile back.

Asma would always, "Shhhh!"

I would just smile back and say, "Lets surprise them!"

Asma would then smile back.

As I would go downstairs, ev.eryone would be sitting on the floor eating (we eat while sitting on the floor) expecting me to come downstairs alone. A part of them would be hoping that Asma is with me because quite frankly, Asma would always brighten the room up. Even when everyone would be all grumpy in the morning lol, Asma would make everyone smile.

So as Im going downstairs and everyone sees that Asma is with me, Asma would smile and the room would burst into cheers and screams as if Asma was some celeberity (well, to us she WAS a celeberity lol...Princess Asma).

While whistling and waving hands in the hair, everyone would start screaming and yelling "OHHHHHHHH YAYYYYYY WOOOOOHOOOOO YEAH BABY!!!!!......EVERYONE GET OUT OF HER WAY AND MAKE SOME ROOM FOR HER. WOOOOOHOOOO."

Then we would make room for her and give her the VIP treatment. I would take her to the bed that we had downstairs for her and make her get comfortable. She would sometimes come down to eat with us or just simply watch us eat. She enjoyed doing that with us. She loved to hear us talk.

Thats how two of the three Ramadans went after she became ill. The last Ramadan (before she passed away), was spent in Mexico.

The time in Mexico was very depressing and sad. Read more about the Ramadan in Mexico with Asma in the following link: More About Asma and Ramadan.

I've type a lot about Asma during Ramadan after her illness, but not before.

As with other stories about her, the story about her in Ramadan taught me many lessons and strengthened me.

Subhana'Allah, very emotional and uplifting for me.

I remember when Asma was young, she always wanted to be a good Muslim and always wanted to do everything and more. This was true especially when it came to Islam.

When she was seven years old, shortly before Ramadan started, she had told us that she was going to fast. At first we thought she was just saying that; maybe to get a reaction out of us.

We didnt take her seriously. lol She insisted and we finally said she can fast for half a day. She said, "No."

She wanted to fast for the whole day just like everyone else. Well, Ramadan came.

Knowing Asma and how determined she was and how she was known to keep her word, we refused to wake Asma up for Suhoor in the morning to eat because we figured that if she hadnt eaten, she would just go about her day without fasting and forget about what she had said about fasting.

Well, Suhoor was over and it was sunrise. She wakes up morning time. She goes about her life as she usually did. We didnt think much of it either.

Come noon time, my mom asked Asma what she wanted to eat. lol Asma told us she was fasting. She didnt eat anything nor was she going to eat until Iftar when it would be time to break her fast lol

Subhana'Allah, we were all in awe. We thought she was kidding. So we insisted that she should eat. She refused.

Okay, so now we knew she was serious. Low and behold, she kept her word and did as she claimed...she fasted for the whole day.

She didnt stop there. She went on to fast for the next 27 consecutive days! She would wake up to eat with us. She would break her fast with us. She would help my mom out with preparing food for the family and relatives.

My mom finally stopped her from fasting on the 28th day because she didnt want Asma to get sick and weak.

ALLAHU AKBAR! Wallahi, I kid you not, Asma was a living example for us to look to as source of our strength. She was our inspiration. When we, atleast I, felt tired and sick, I would think of Asma and how brave and courageous she was.

Friends and relatives couldnt believe what Asma did. All of a sudden Asma had gifts and money coming to her from people. She wasnt even expecting it. She wondered why she was getting all these things for just fasting.

I was very proud of her. Im still proud of her. Im proud to call her my sister. Im very much honored to have spent time with her and being with her. I loved her with all my heart and always will no matter.

I want to see her again in Paradise after I die.

I miss her so much. I miss her a lot. People say time heals...but does it really?

All I can think of now is...if I feel like this, how do my parents feel?

I'm sure my mom is missing Asma more than anything right now. I remember Asma would help make my mom make pastries and samosas and beef patties and all the other good stuff. Even when Asma was sick, she loved to help my mom out. She would sit on her wheelchair and make food on the table.

Subhana'Allah.

My parents are the true warriors. Masha'Allah.

:'( Brings tears to your eyes. Like now...

May Allah grant Asma to the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite my family and I with Asma in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reward Asma for everything she has gone through. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents for everything they have gone through and are going through now. Ameen
May Allah give my parents shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah give us all shiff and sabr. Ameen
May Allah accept our worship to Him in this month of Ramadan. Ameen
May Allah protect us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah make us better Muslims. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.