This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Just Had a Dream of Asma

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

I literally woke up a few minutes ago and walked over to my computer right away. I just had a dream of Asma, Alhamdulillah. I figured I'd post about it.

It is strange. Just the other day I was wondering why Asma hasn't been coming into my dreams lately. I think about Asma all the time and just wish to see her once again. I'm always anxious to see her in my dreams. Every night I go to sleep, I pray that I get to dream about her.

Do I get sad or do I get happy when I dream of her? Honestly, I really do not know. I guess it is a mixed feeling. It is sad because she is histroy now and will never come back to this dunya. It is sad because I miss her. At the same time, it is a great feeling to be able to dream of her because it is soothing to my heart. I dont know why, but it feels nice and soft inside. I actually get to see her and hear her soft voice. Either way, I do not want to stop dreaming of her.

In this dream, Asma appeared to be a bit younger. She was about 6-8 years old. She was looking very pretty in her pink clothes - a sweat shirt to go with her sweat pants. She had no sign of any illness or wounds.

She had the same silky black hair down to her shoulders. Well, a bit below her shoulders. Her skin was so soft and flawless of any blemishes.

I brought her into some sort of an Indian/Pakistani store where they were going to have a 'sisters only' event and sing nasheeds or something similar. The part that was strange was that although she appeared to be perfectly normal and healthy, in my mind I knew she was sick and was going to die. I was even carrying her in my arms the same way I did when she had a tumor in her leg and even when they amputated it. However, in the dream, she had both legs and was free of any cancer or illness.

I set her down on a futon (it is like a bed which can fold into a sofa) with pillows on it. For a few minutes, she was playing with me and laughing. She was playing with me like she used to. She was laughing the same as she did when she was here and healthy.

After a while, I she was yawning and put her head down on the pillow. She was closing her eyes and asked me to get my father. She wanted him to be with her when she went to sleep.

When she was with us, she wouldn't go to sleep without my father. He would put her to sleep many times by massaging her head, arms or legs. Even during her last moments of her life with us, she wanted my father to be near her. If you read my post about the day she passed away, you will see the part where she even gave her hand to my father and looked at him during her last seconds. Subhana'Allah :'(

Before I could get my father in the dream, I woke up. It was a bittersweet feeling. It brought back memories of both sad and happy times. Alhamdulillah, the happy memories outweighed the sad ones this time. Still, I can feel the heaviness in my heart.

I was under my blanket when I woke up. Before getting up to walk over to the computer, all I said was, 'I miss her.'


May Allah elevate Asma's status/level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah send Asma into our dreams until we are reunited. Ameen
May Allah guide us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah take our Souls as Believers. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents greatly for what they have done and gone through. Ameen
May Allah give my parents complete shiffa and sabr. Ameen
May Allah protect my parents. Ameen
May Allah protect us all from fitnah. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Another Reminder of Asma

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

I've been pretty busy lately. I have had some time off and had time to take care of things at home and run errands. One of the things I have been able to accomplish is taking care of huge stacks of papers that needed to be thrown away or filed away.

The hardest thing about it is when I come across anything related to Asma. Just a few minutes ago I dug up her hospital bills, blood reports, pathology reports, clinical reports, readings of her x-rays, various documents about the therapies she has either gotten or was about to get. I even found a dated name tag that I had to wear when I visited her at the hospital on the February 9th - six days before she passed away. I also found two notes from the doctor to my professors requesting to excuse me from class.

I'm keeping them all. Everything. I'm just storing them in a box and putting them away somewhere along with her belongings.

It makes me real sad thinking back to those times. Just reminds me of the pain Asma had gone through. Reminds me of the hardship she had to endure. It also reminds me of the pain and heartbreak my parents had to experience during all this.

Subhana'Allah, I'd say that has been the darkest time period of my life. Thinking back to it feels like someone is uncovering the deep wounds in my heart and having salt poured on it. It is so painful. Painful thinking about Asma and her screams and tearful pleas for help. Painful thinking about everything my parents tried to do for Asma. It is beginning to hurt me now. I can feel it in my heart once again.

I think I'm going to visit her grave tomorrow, Insha'Allah.

I guess this also reminds me of another thing - to all the people including my relatives who have hurt her or my parents while she was ill and fighting to live, may Allah punish you all. Ameen

It makes me so furious thinking about the stuff that has happened. One day, Insha'Allah, I will write all about. I will write about everyone who has hurt Asma and my parents in detail and expose them.

May Allah evelate Asma's status to the highest. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah bless and protect my parents and keep them firm upon the Haq. Ameen
May Allah punish everyone who has hurt Asma and my parents especially during the darkest period for us. Ameen
May Allah guide us all and keep us firm on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah give us peace and coolness in our hearts. Ameen
May Allah give us all sabr. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.