This blog is all about my little sister, Asma, who lost her life in the battle against cancer on February 11, 2005 at the age of 12.

All About My Baby Sister, Asma

Feel free to pass this blog along to others, Insha'Allah. (To read the very first post/entry, click on "February 2005" under "Archives" and scroll all the way to the bottom and you should see the first entry). Please keep my parents and family in your dua'as. Jazak'Allah. May Allah reward all of you and keep you guys on the straight path. Ameen May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

Thursday, July 28, 2005

In Memory of Asma Haq

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

I received this poem from a friend of mine. He received this poem through email from a person who wants to remain anonymous. It really touched my heart and really did make me want to cry. Before I post it up, I ask Allah Subhanawatalaa to reward and keep this person on the straight path. Ameen. I dont even know the person who wrote this. Subhana'Allah. Anyways, here it is:

In Memory of Asma Haq

I. Her once bright eyes were glazed over
as she watched the quiet tears
which dripped painfully
down her mother's face
she tried to read her brother's expression:
his heart torn- his doll did not understand
should not understand
he stroked her silky locks
looking into her youthful eyes
and then he looked away

II. She giggled as she leapt onto
the living room sofa
he chased after her,
his twinkling eyes betraying his feigned anger
his smooth beard neatly separated
into small ponytails
their tinkling laughter filled the small room
as she tugged at his feminine facial hair

III. He held her in his brotherly embrace
as she basked in the tranquility
of his deep, strong voice
delightfully met moments later
by the sweetness of her own
they peacefully harmonized,
enveloping each other in their warm presence
on a cold January night

IV. Her intent stare made him uneasy
seemingly naive interrogations made him quiver
"so what if I don't have my leg,
I can still hop on one foot"
amputation made his conscience squirm
and she laughed out loud

V. His concerned gaze scanned
his doll's innocent face
she looked up and ran her soft palms
to wipe the creases that formed
on his worried forehead
she moved aside the tyrannous tube
to plant a small kiss upon
the tear-stained crimson of his cheeks

VI. musty air greeted his nostrils
as he bent at her bedside
stroking her delicate fingers
and savoring the sweet chime of her voice
for a last time
her calmness was felt on shallow
breaths in the palm
her gaze dropped in quiet realization
and her dark eyelashes eclipsed
the soft light from her irises
she smelled faintly of a newborn

VII. white sheets failed to conceal
her timeless beauty
and fearful faces could not serve as barriers
to carefully planted kisses
they breathed in her calm presence
and quiet tears slipped down their faces

VIII. he nearly suffocated
as grief gripped his heart
quiet comprehension dimmed the light
as his piercing gaze penetrated his doll's lifeless form
knees weakened, his head met earth
cool water thrust his way as panic ensued
and reminiscence ripped him apart

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.

Friday, July 15, 2005


Assalaamualaikum Warhamutallahi Wabarakatuh,

One of many things that I have learnt from Asma is the fact that she NEVER, EVER complained about anything including her illness.

Looking back, ever since she was diagnosed with cancer until the day she passed away and was taken back by Allah Subhanawatalaa, she never complained.

She was bed-ridden for over about three years, yet no word or sign of any complaints or resentment.

She used to peek out the window and watch her school bus come and go every morning and afternoon, yet remained silent.

She used to watch her little cousins run around and have fun at parties as she sat on the bed or sofa and cheered them on.

She used to watch girls her age ride bikes around the block while she sat in her wheel chair.

There is one incident that really sticks out and shows how brave and courageous she was. She gave up her leg. Her leg was amputated all the way up to her hip.

When she got her leg amputated, we were afraid to face her. We were afraid because we didnt know what to tell her or what to say. We didnt know what she would experience or feel. We didnt know how she would react. We were afraid she would be hit with depression.

Anyways, her leg was amputated. It finally happened. We feared the day her leg would be amputated. But it happened. There was no looking back.

So my father said something about her leg being amputated. Asma's response blew us away.

Asma said, "Daddy, tho kiya howa? Mein aik taang se tho phir bhi hop karsakthi hoi." ("Daddy, so what? I can still hop with one leg.")

Allahu Akbar. I was in awe. Even now as I type this, Im speechless. The courage and patience that she had was unbelievable. Subhana'Allah. I really can learn from her.

She mentioned that little boy in Iraq whose all four limbs were lost as a result of the bombing by the U.S. He also lost his family including his parents.

Anyways, Asma went on to say that she feels so much pain and is very sad to see the little boy lose his limbs. She said that the fact that she had lost her leg is nothing compared to what the boy had little lost.

Subhana'Allah, look at that. Atleast myself, I freak out at the thought of breaking a bone or even losing a finger.

Im put to shame. Subhana'Allah. Im glad Asma came in my life so that I have a reminder of how we should have sabr regardless of what happens.

Asma, regardless all the trials she went through, always smiled and remained steadfast. She uplifted others spirits and gave their confidence a boost.

I know how much she wanted to walk. I was able to tell by her facial expression and the way she acted sometimes. However, not once did she complain or even utter a word of resentment.


Oh Allah, raise Asma's level and status in Jannah. Ameen.
Oh Allah, give us sabr and shiffa. Ameen.
Oh Allah, reunite us with Asma in the Akhirah. Ameen.

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah,

Subhana'Allah, when I think back about what Asma and I used to talk about, I laugh. I also cry. But I also cringe.

I cringe because I think about how I used to get goosebumps when Asma asked me questions that normally, a child wouldnt ask.

Its not like she was depressed or angry. She asked me casually as if she was asking me for a piece of candy. To her, it was no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

I still remember one day I was driving my parents and my sisters, Aysha and Asma, to Devon Avenue to get food and go shopping for Asma. Prior to that, we had visited Lutheran General Hospital for her doctor's appointment to see if she is doing ok.

Anyways, I was driving, my mom was next to me in the passenger seat, my dad was behind me, Asma was next to my dad (she loved sitting next to him), and Aysha was all the way in the back.

Out of nowhere, Asma asks, "Daddy, agar mein marjao, mujey kown ghusl dhay ga?" ("Daddy, if I die, who will give me a ghusl?")

She just asks casually. Of course, we were all held back and speechless. I look to my mom and shes on the verge of crying. My dad is in the back looking out the window thinking God knows what. I could see the sadness filling his face.

My dad just told her not to think like that. I mean, what else can you say?

Then a shortwhile later, she asked, "Agar, mein marjao, mein Hell may jaongi?" ("If I die, will I go to Hell?")

My dad turned to her and asked why she had asked that.

Asma replied, "Isli hay kay mein nay namaz miss kardi thi." ("Because I missed a prayer.")

Subhana'Allah. :(

Then on other separate occasions, Asma has asked me many times questions about her leg ever since it had been amputated. She would ask me questions about it usually when we would pass a cemetery while driving.

She would ask me if I saw her leg after it was amputated. She also asked me, "Meri taang kahape bury howi vi ay?" (Where is my leg burried at?")

Sometimes she would also ask me, "Agar mein marjao, mujey meri taang ke paas bury karange?" ("If I die, would they bury me by my leg?")

Asma was such a curious person. I remember one time she asked me, "Jub Qiyamaat aye gi, meri taang hoi gi?" ("When the Day of Judgement comes, will I have my leg?")

Whenever Asma would ask questions about her leg, I would feel my stomach turn. I also admired Asma for her strength and resilience. I mean her leg was amputated all the way up to her hip, and she is still acting as if its no big deal. Subhana'Allah.

She would ask me details of what it was like when I went to bury her leg (Insha'Allah I will make a post about that later). It seemed as if it was something cool to her. She would smile and laugh. Subhana'Allah. Im speechless.

She also asked me something that I didnt know how to answer, if at all. She would ask this often. She always asked, "Agar mein marjao, tum rogay?" ("If I die, would you cry?")

Whenever she would ask me that, she would laugh so hard. I tried to keep a straight face and told her not to talk like that, but inside I was torn and didnt know what to say or think.

She would then say, "I know you would cry. I know you would because you love me so much."

I would just smile and try to change subjects. :(

One thing that I will always remember that she told me was when she said, "You know what? After I die, besides mom and dad, I know you will cry the most for me?"

I said, "Uhh, why do you say that?"

Asma said, "Well because you love me so much and care for me so much and took care of me all the time and used to carry me everywhere and you became close to me."

Subhana'Allah, I swear when she said that, I felt like I was on the top of the world, but at the same time I wanted to cry so much.

Asma would just laugh when she would say that. Apparently she found the thought of me crying pretty amusing. lol She always told me that I think I am mature and act all macho when really Im just an immature kid. She used to tease me about that. lol Yeah, it was funny.

Asma was such a smart person. She could read peoples eyes and know what they were thinking. Something I'm learning to do now...

I think Im going to go visit her...

May Allah grant Asma the highest level in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah give my family and myself sabr. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma again. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallah.