Tears Dont Stop

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

I just got home from the store. As I was driving through the neighborhood, I noticed there is a little fair for the kids at the park near my house. It is set up for the little kids. Asma instantly came to my mind.

She loved these kinds of things. She loved to play and have fun.

I almost broke into tears. I was on the verge of crying. I tried hard to hold back tears.

People say as time goes by, it gets easier. Is that really true? It certainly doesnt seem or feel like it.

Lately, I have been thinking about Asma more and more. Wherever and whenever, I think of Asma.

Outwardly it may seem like I am okay and having a good time. But inside, Im sad and I miss Asma very much.

Does this mean I have kept myself from moving on? No.

It just means that I have lost interest in this dunya (actually thats a good thing). It means that lately I have been wanting to try harder to be a good Muslim and work for the akhirah.

Sometimes its hard fighting and holding back tears. I noticed whenever Id talk about Asma with others, Id end up becoming quiet or just leave because Id be on the verge of crying.

It takes a lot for me to cry. It is not easy to make me cry. However, when it comes to Asma, it takes very little for me to cry.

I miss her. A lot.

May Allah elevate her status in the Jannah. Ameen
May Allah reunite my family and I with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr. Ameen
May Allah reward my parents and elevate their status for holding up and going through this ordeal in the right manner. Ameen
May Allah take our souls as Believers. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.

Ramadan: Asma and a Lesson Learned

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Subhana'Allah it has been such a long time since I've posted here. I have been extremely busy with everything. I have been very busy with classes especially with Ramadan. I wish I had more time in life so I can do more things especially Ibaadah.

Whether or not I post on this blog, Asma is on my mind all the time, 24/7. I miss her all the time. Even if I wanted to avoid thinking of her (which I'd never do), I wouldnt be able to as I am reminded of her constantly regardless of where I am.

When Ramadan started and even now, shes on our minds all the time. I remember Asma used to help my mom make food for Iftar. There was a time specifically where she was sitting in the kitchen in her wheelchair and making samosas on the table. My mom really misses that and gets emotional thinking about it. Whenever my mom would make something like that especially in Ramadan, she would think about that time.

Whenever I go downstairs for Suhoor, I think back at how Asma would whisper my name. Usually she would wake up late, but when Ramadan was around, she would wake up along with everyone else. Everyone would think she is asleep, but she would really be awake. As I would be about to go downstairs after brushing my teeth, I would hear my name Asma's whisper. She would ask me to take her downstairs since she cant go by herself. I go to and carry her downstairs. She would tell me to be quiet as she loved to surprise people. She loved to make my parents happy. lol

Everyone would get happy to see her. She would lighten the mood.

Even she didnt want to eat, she would sit there and watch others eat and listen to conversations. She liked to be around her family. She liked to be around people as long as it was her family. I guess she became turned off with people in general including many relatives because of her personal experiences with them. All she wanted to do was be with her family. She felt safe and quite honestly, she was very happy when with us.

I usually tell people to take advantage of being with your family especially during Ramadan. Im sure there are other benefits, but one thing I always think about is that how Im happy and consider myself blessed because I got to spend time with my family and Asma. It just made the time more humble and special than it already was. I rather do Suhoor and Iftar with my family than anywhere else even if we have very little to eat.

Life is too short. You dont know when you are going to die. Who would have thought Asma would have passed away at the age of 12? Take advantage while you can. You will look back and either regret it or be happy. So make use of this short time...

May Allah guide us all and keep us on the straight path. Ameen
May Allah protect us all. Ameen
May Allah forgive us all of our sins and accept our repentance. Ameen
May Allah accept our Ibaadah during this month. Ameen
May Allah bring us closer to Him and our families and strength the bonds of love and trust. Ameen
May Allah elevate Asma's status in Jannah to the highest. Ameen
May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen

WasSalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.