I Miss Asma... SO MUCH :'(

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh,

Its been about a month since I've updated this blog. As I was telling a good friend of mine, I cant just come here for 5 minutes and update it. When I update this blog, I need to do it without any distractions around me. There is so much to talk about with so much detail, it wont do justice if I typed a post in 5 minutes. That is why I dont update often as I would like too. But, I will try harder, Insha'Allah.

Wallahi right now I'm so sad. I feel like crying. I was going through her pictures and wallahi I feel like Ive been hit hard. I dont know how the hell my parents do it. I dont know they are holding on and dealing with it.

I went to visit her grave yesterday when I left to run some errands for my parents and grocery shopping. When I went there, it brought back memories. It brought memories of her sweet, lively laughs filled with happiness.

She was full of innocence in a sense that she didnt have worries with her. She lived her life without worrying about anything. She was a grown-up and a kid at the same time.

I went and sat by her grave. I just sat there for a bit and made dua'a to Allah Subhanawata'ala to reunite us with Asma once again. I sat there thinking about our good times.

I remember how I fell asleep next to her while watching tv only to find myself waking up to her soft laughter. She was giggling because she had braided my beard while I was sleeping. lol When I woke up, my beard had many braids in it. I must admit, it took me forver to unbraid them. lol

I remember how Amsa and I used to go to physical therapies. Wallah, Asma was a true soldier. She was a Mujahida. She never gave up. I know every post I make on here, I try to add an Islamic perspective to it. In this post, I will definately say that Asma ALWAYS HAD faith in Allah and never, ever gave up.

All the pain she went through, all the trials and tribulations she went through, in the end, she would be thankful to Allah and ask Him to forgive her. Always. I dont think there was a time where she ever complained to Allah Subhanawata'ala. Im not exaggerating either.

Thinking about that puts me to shame. Here I am complaining about life and everything else while Asma who was a little kid, had so much faith and trust in Allah. Allahu Akbar!

As I sat besides her grave, I thought about how I wish I had asked her to forgive me for anything I have done or said before she passed away. :'(

I remembered how she used to get me out of trouble at home. lol Whenever my parents would be upset and yell or something, Asma would always get me out of it. She would pretend she is sick so that my parents would take their anger away and stop yelling. Either that or she would start asking them questions so they will take their focus away from me. lol She was awesome, Masha'Allah. lol

I remembeed how she was so loving and caring. I remembered how we became so close throughout the hard times. We really bonded. Honestly, I saw her as my best friend who was always there.

When she became sick, I had lost so many friends, but it was well worth it. For all the friends I have lost, Asma was meant more to me.

I just wish I can kiss her one more time. I just want to pick her up and just hold her once again close to me. :'(

I can go on and on, but Insha'Allah I will do so in my next post. For now, I will leave you with this picture of hers that was taken right before she became ill. It was taken at my cousins Walima. Shes about eight years old in this. She loved to dance. lol I also have a 5 minute video clip of this at home somewhere. I cant really look at her pics for more than a couple of seconds. It makes me feel wierd. Anyways, Im for the first time making her pics public...

Here it is:



Here is her school pic when she 9 years old:



Gosh, this is just hard. I want to cry... :'(

Allahu Akbar...

May Allah reunite us with Asma once again. Ameen
May Allah forgive Asma and elevate her status to the highest level. Ameen
May Allah place Asma with Ibrahim (As) and his wife Sarah (As) in Jannah. Ameen
May Allah give my parents sabr and shiffa. Ameen
May Allah make it easy for my family and I. Ameen
May Allah reward everyone who has been there for Asma during her illness and for my family after her death. Ameen

Assalaamualaikum Warahmutallahi Wabarakatuh.